Birthday Weekend

I've had "Let it Go" stuck in my head since we first saw Frozen last November.  That's right, it's been playing on a continuous loop in my brain for almost a year.  I blame Disney for my recent lapses in memory and my extreme irritability. It might even explain why I've started twitching.

But I love my kid, and that little nugget loves Frozen, so I put my sanity on the line to take her to see Frozen on Ice for her birthday.  

She got Anna and Elsa costumes as her birthday present, so she was allowed to pick one to wear to the show.  She likes Anna better, so I was surprised that she picked Elsa.  But let's face it...her costume is just too fancy to resist!  

My favorite part was watching a sea of miniature Elsa's walking the streets of Downtown Providence on the way to the arena.  Before the show even started, the place was plastered with glitter from so many costumes.  The floor of the ladies' room was positively sparkling with the stuff.  

The show was what you'd expect.  There was singing (on ice), dancing (on ice), and jazz hands (on ice!).  Madeline loved it!  

We had a busy weekend.  Before the big event, we celebrated Maddie's last day of being three, by letting her choose three things she wanted to do.  She picked a trip to the Disney Store, (where she got to use $10 of piggy bank money) Benson's Park, and the library.  

I'm glad she made three easy requests.  If she had chosen Disney World, we would have been in trouble...

Dear Madeline: September, 2014

Dear Madeline,

Today, you are four.  Four is still little.  You still need help putting on shoes, washing your hands, getting in your car seat.  But four is big enough to be considered a kid.  Not a baby, not a toddler...an honest to goodness kid.  You can get dressed yourself, get yourself a glass of water, help me unload the dishwasher.  You are my little buddy, my biggest helper, my shadow around the house. 

Sometimes I miss the baby that you were.  That tiny girl, with those chubby cheeks, and halo of red curls will never walk into the room again.  I now fully get what parents mean when they talk about time moving too quickly.  

But the best part of watching you grow is that each and every stage just gets better and better.  I miss baby Madeline, but I wouldn't trade the lovely child you've become for anything.  

You are smart, clever, at times sly.  You are funny, silly, unafraid to let your inner goofy shine.  You are sweet, kind, and gentle. You are brave to the point of sometimes being afraid to let your true feelings out.

  I know you are very big, but it is okay to cry if you fall and scrape your knee in front of your friends.  I know you are big, but it's okay to cry on Mumma's shoulder when a friend at school hurts your feelings.  Don't hold those feelings back, my Maddie girl.  Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself...to be yourself.  

Stay forever awesome, Madeline.  You are the coolest kid I know.  

Love,

Mumma

Vivi: Thirty-Eight Weeks

The big news this week is that Vivi has slept through the night the past four nights in a row!  I'm talking a solid eleven hours.  It's amazing.  Of course, I wake up every night around 4 am in a panic wondering where the baby is, but it's huge progress.  Now that I've made this milestone public, I'm sure she'll wake every hour tonight.  Knock on wood.

We've been battling the poop monster a little bit this week, which is frustrating.  It's been nearly two months since her last bad episode, so I had hoped that we were moving past this.  This time isn't nearly as bad as her previous battles, which is good, but there's been straining and crying and blockages and a crazy explosion for good measure.  She's fully weened from the breast now, but there was a bit of overlap two weeks ago where I was nursing in the middle of the night even though I had started adding dairy back into my diet.  I'm not sure if what we're seeing this week is the result of that poor judgement, or if it's just Vivi being Vivi.  Time will tell I suppose.

Overall, the formula is definitely working better than the breast milk was for us.  She's chunking up fast, eating more, and sleeping better.  She just seems much more comfortable...except when she tries to poop.

Eric and I continue to be amazed at how physical Vivi is.  She still isn't crawling, but she might as well be.  She gets around so well.  She's been fascinated with opening doors and drawers lately.  Madeline's play kitchen is a lot of fun for her.  I sometimes set up the pack n' play mattress on the kitchen floor while I'm getting things done in there, and she figured out how to access the baking pans in the drawer under the stove.  I really have to keep a close eye on her at all times.

She still communicates mostly in growls, but we're starting to hear more consonant noises thrown in.  Last night she kept repeating, "Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah," under her breath.  This morning there have been  more "Dahs" and lots of "Goos" and "Gahs."  

Vivi is a huge cuddle bug.  She likes to climb up Eric or I when we're sitting on the floor with her.  She stands hanging on to our knees or shoulders for a long time while we rub her back and she nuzzles her head into us.  It's nice.

She's still Madeline's biggest fan.  She thinks her big sister is hilarious, and she wants to do whatever she sees Madeline doing.  Vivi and I have had a lot of alone time this week now that Maddie's back in school, but she's a lot more needy when her big sister isn't around to entertain her.  Madeline is a huge help.

Finally, she still doesn't have any teeth.  This is surprising because we've thought she was teething several times, but still, nothing has poked through.  Madeline had a lot of teeth by this age, and she was eating a lot of finger foods.  Vivi hasn't really started down that road because of her tummy troubles, and because of her lack of chompers.  I think I'll make some soft-boiled chunks of fruit next week to see how she handles finger food.

Come on, baby girl, grow 'dem teeth!

Parenting, Currently

On days when I manage to take a shower, I walk around this place like I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.  So, today, since I took two showers?  Damn, I'm Niki Minaj!  Somebody's anaconda don't want none...

Sure, shower number two happened because I was covered in baby feces, but I'll take what I can get.

The extra dose of laxatives that I gave the baby earlier in the week to help ease her burden finally caught up with us.  I love it when that happens.  And I use the term "love" loosely.  Very, very loosely.

Madeline sometimes tells us there's a "poop storm coming" when she hides under her climber in the yard.  We never knew what she meant by this before, but now I see she was right. Indeed, Maddie Bear.  A poop storm was coming.

Vivi: Thirty-Six & Thirty-Seven Weeks

We got trouble! Right here in River City!  Trouble with a capital "T," and that rhymes with "B", and that stands for BABY!

(Any Music Man fans?  No?  Just my husband? Okay then, moving on...)

Vivi is one mischievous child.  Every facial expression, every movement, every dastardly plan for world domination lurking in her eyes...it's all trouble.

Her most frequent facial expression is this one:

 Yup.  Trouble, trouble, trouble.

She speaks entirely in little growls and evil laughs.  "Ahhhrr! Heh-heh.  " She might actually be a pirate now that I think of it.

Plus, she's got an incredible knack for getting her hands on everything she's not supposed to touch.  I mean, I know that's what all babies do, but we never had this much trouble with Madeline.  We have to clear a three-foot radius around her when we go out to eat.  She somehow managed to fling a knife across a restaurant the other day even though I swear I removed them all the second we sat down.  Was she hiding it in her diaper?  I wouldn't be surprised.

She's the kind of kid who likes to play with objects more than toys.  If I give her something like a plastic cup, box, or pan to explore, she's content.

If there's nothing interesting in her line of sight to play with, she grabs my hair instead.  Sometimes she goes for my mouth or nose, but she prefers the hair.  In fact, she falls asleep yanking on it.  My hair has become this kid's security blanket.

Madeline's toys are no longer safe.  All the Lego towers get destroyed by hurricane Vivienne.  Luckily, Maddie is a good sport about it and usually just laughs.  I'm afraid this is only encouraging Vivi to wreak more havoc though.

She's still not crawling, and I'm thankful for that.  Once that event occurs, I will never be able to sit down again.  As it is, she wiggles to get down sometimes when I'm holding her.  I don't know where she thinks she's going.  Vegas?

The switch to formula has been a wild success.  Not only has she seemed to gain a lot of weight over the past two weeks, but her eczema is clearing up, and she's sleeping ten times better.

My baby, who refused to nap for longer than ten minutes, is suddenly taking two naps a day.  (Please don't smite me, Internet Gods!)  Meanwhile, she's getting eight-hour stretches of sleep at night.  She's really only waking up once during the night instead of two or three times, which is fantastic.  She still nurses in the middle of the night, partially because I'm too groggy to get a bottle made up, and partially because a bottle is not what she's looking for.  I'm sure the well will be drying up soon though.  Get it while you can, Vivi.

I'm a little sad about the end of my breastfeeding journey.  Vivi really loved nursing.  It's also sad to let go of this amazing thing my body can do for the last time.  But...I'm really glad she's feeling better.  Also, I ate ice cream for the first time this summer over Labor Day weekend.  Bonus.

In other news, her hair is redder than ever.  It's thickening up a bit.  Today it was sticking straight up in all directions.  She looked like a mad scientist.  And I thought her eyes were turning brown, but they haven't yet.   Eric thinks they look deep blue.  I say green.  They're sorta pond colored...which sounds gross, but is actually quite pretty.  We'll see.

We love this little ball of energy even if she seems to have made it her mission in life to bring everyone in her path to their knees.  She's a feisty little thing, and I adore her.

Little Sisters are Obnoxious

Big Sister is playing Legos.  I'm gonna totally mess with her.

 That was hilarious, right?  

Let me do it again.

What?  Why are you telling me "no-no"?  This is hilarious.

Watch more closely this time.  You'll get it.

See?!  Bwhahaha. Oh my God....so hilarious.

But seriously, Maddie.  I want in on this action.

 ...

What part of "I want to eat them," don't you understand?  Gimme some Legos! 

Dude, you're really not gonna let me eat them?

Haha.  She's mad at me.

Fine.  I didn't want to play with your stupid Legos anyway.

 Then again...

The Best of Bayside

I watched Lifetime's drama The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story last night.  It was bad.  Really bad.  I mean I knew going into it that it was going to be just awful, but it wasn't the kind of awful I was hoping for.  Based on the way the movie was promoted, I was expecting to see the cast doing lines of cocaine off each other's bellybuttons. Instead, literally nothing happens for two hours.  There are a few scenes where alcohol is consumed, and lips are locked...but that's it.  It even has an "and they all lived happily ever after" ending, which we all know is total BS.  Sure, half of the cast members turned out fine, but the rest...Jessie ruined her career making Showgirls.  Screech made a porno.  And Lisa's face?!  What has she done to her face?!

I may, or may not have, read Dustin Diamond's tell-all book Behind the Bell on which the Lifetime movie was based, so I had pretty high hopes going into last night's viewing.  Alas, most of Diamond's allegations were either watered down, or left out of the movie altogether.  I get it.  Diamond has since admitted that most of the book was a lie, and Lifetime certainly doesn't want to get itself sued.  But what a bust!  Totally killed my Monday night...I could have been sleeping!  SLEEPING!

Anyhow...sigh...I wrote the rest of this post yesterday afternoon when I was still bubbling over with anticipation.  (What a fool I was...)  I didn't get it finished in time to post it before the movie aired because I don't have Zack Morris' ability to freeze time whenever Vivi or Madeline need me.

.................................................................................................................................................................

Saved By The Bell was more than a cheesy, sub par Saturday morning program for the thousands of kids like me who were fans.  It was a promise.  A promise that the teen years that loomed before me were going to be freakin' epic.

Just think of the cast of characters: Zack Morris?  Hunk. A.C. Slater? Hunk. Kelly Kapowski?  Babe.  Lisa Turtle? Babe. Jessie Spano?  Smart babe. Screech?  Ridiculous, daft human being who still somehow manages to be surrounded by the most popular hunks and babes in the school.  How could high school possibly be bad?

And beyond all that, it didn't matter how many times those crazy kids crashed the principal's car, or stole the rival team's mascot, or sold calendars of half-naked, under-aged girls without their consent...Zack always got away with it.  Smooth.  So damn silky smooth.  

Of course, we all know that life turned out nothing like Saved By The Bell.  High school mostly sucks and is filled with nothing but pimply awkward teenagers who make one another miserable.  Besides, by the time I actually became a teenager, the grunge movement had wiped out the neon-tinged optimism of Bayside High.  Sure, the likes of Jordan Catalano of My So Called Life was still a hunk, but he was a moody, aloof, angst-ridden hunk who in no way resembled Zack Morris except in terms of pure bangability.

Saved By The Bell was a lie, but it was a beautiful lie.  And thanks to endless hours of syndication, it's one that has spanned generations.  Today's high school students may not know who Maya Angelou, Gandhi, or Julia Roberts are, but you can be damn sure that they know the name Zack Morris.   

Tonight, Lifetime airs its Saved by the Bell biopic based on Dustin Diamonds tell-all book Behind the Bell.  I'm not too proud to admit that I read that book, (thanks Carol) and it was just as amazingly awful as you could imagine.  I'm hoping tonight's movie can do the book justice.

In honor of this momentous event, I've been thinking of Saved by the Bell's most memorable episodes.

Here's my initial brainstorm:
I'm so excited; I'm so scared
The sprain
U2 tickets at the mall
Just Say No
Zack and Kelly break up
Zack's creepy poster of Kelly
Zack Attack dream sequence
Elvis head
Miss Bayside
Punky Brewster
Volley Ball Tournament

And here's my final ranking:

(I had to look up the actual episode titles and some of the plot synopses because I'm not completely psychotic and have other interests in life beyond Saved by the Bell.  Honest.) 

10. "Screech's Spaghetti Sauce" 

(AKA: Punky Brewster)

Screech gains fame and fortune from selling his delicious tomato sauce.  This doesn't make any sense at all because nobody wants to eat Screech's secret spaghetti sauce.  There's probably left-over robot parts and bits of pornstache in there.  Gross.  

A girl named Robin suddenly wants to date him, but we all know she's just after his spaghetti sauce fortune.  But wait!  That gold-digging little minx is non other than Punky Brewster.  That blew my mind back in elementary school.  Soleli Moon Frye...I salute you.  

9. Miss Bayside

Screech is entered in the Miss Bayside pageant as part of a bet between Zack and Slater.  Spoiler Alert: He wins.  Meanwhile, Jessie and Kelly boycott the pageant because...sexism, but eventually end up competing anyway.  In my head, I had this episode confused with the one where Kelly's face turns maroon, but I think that's the contest for homecoming queen.  There were just too many contests for these people to ruin for the rest of the student population.  

This episode perfectly captures the inner essence of each character.  Screech is a loser who talks to his homemade robot more than real people, but he still has a heart of gold.  Zack is a smooth-talking hunk with a total sleazy streak.  Slater plays the drums, wears bright neon shirts, and flexes his muscles a lot...and they are spectacular.  Jessie is a feminist. (Except for that time she became a stripper after high school.  That's where those caffeine pills will get ya, kids.) Kelly is sweet, and a total babe, but pretty much just does what people tell her to do because she's not known for her brains. Lisa doesn't care about feminism.  She likes to shop. 

8. "House Party"

(AKA: Elvis Head)

You hear the title, "House Party," and you imagine things are about to get real for the Bayside crew right?  But no. Screech's parents go out of town, so the boys decide to have a guy's night at his house.  A guy's night means they sing "Barbra Ann" in their skivvies a la Risky Business.  The girls (including nerdy Tori Spelling) catch them dancing and laugh their asses off at them because wouldn't you?  

They end up breaking Screech's mother's prized Elvis statue, and invent some elaborate scheme to raise enough money to buy a replacement.  But none of that is really important.  The "Barbra Ann" scene is what makes this episode memorable.  

Also, Screech's mother is crazy, but that's not really surprising considering her son spends all his time building robot slave armies and repeatedly hitting on Lisa even though she's told him off in a million different ways.  

7. All In the Mall

(AKA: "U2 tickets at the mall")

The gang (except Jessie "too busy pushing caffeine pills" Spano) stands in line to buy U2 tickets at the mall.  They find a box of cash which they decide to keep in order to scalp tickets. After noticing two thugs eyeing them suspiciously, they assume they've involved themselves in some serious criminal activity and freak out.  Spoiler Alert: They're on Candid Camera and end up winning U2 tickets.  

This is a classic example of a Saved by the Bell episode.  Screech is dumb and ruins their plans.  Slater and Zack are boss.  Lisa and Kelly buy shoes.  They disguise themselves as mannequins to fool the thugs. Bad behavior, like keeping money that isn't theirs, is rewarded when they are given exactly what they wanted all along.  It's just so ludicrous.  

Plus, I always liked that they camped at the mall for the night.  What really went on inside that tent?  Perhaps Lifetime can shed some light on that situation.  (It didn't...) 

6. No Hope with Dope

(AKA: Just Say No)

Rockstar Johnny Dakota decides to film an anti-drug commercial at Bayside and falls for Kelly Ka-POW-ski because, duh, babe.  The gang is pretty star struck till they catch Johnny smoking some doobies at a party and tell Mr. Belding on him like a bunch of nerdy narcs.  People with caffeine pill habits should not throw stones...

I can eyeroll my way through this episode as an adult, but I totally ate it up as a kid.  I was so proud of Kelly for not giving in to temptation.  See, kids, you don't have to do drugs to be cool!  

5. King of The Hill

(AKA: Creepy Poster of Kelly)

This early episode shows how Zack and Slater first met and focuses on their rivalry for Kelly's affections. They basically spend the entire episode pounding on their chests and doing mating dances in Kelly's line of sight. (We always knew Zack would win.  Slater's dimples are cute, but Morris has the hair of a man who always comes out on top.) 

I like the early episodes where Zack and Slater hate each other, and I never understood why Slater didn't eventually get together with Kelly.  Zack hooked up with everyone.  Every. Last. One...

However, the real reason this episode stands out in my mind is due to the life-sized poster of Kelly hanging in Zack's bedroom.  Hey, creeper...

Whatever, little Zack is still pretty adorable.  And Kelly Ka-POW-ski?!  Babe. Total babe.  

4. "Rockumentary"

(AKA: Zack Attack Dream Sequence)

Zack dreams that his band, Zack Attack, (guess who got to name the band?) makes it big.  The whole episode is presented as a documentary of the rise and fall of their fame.  Zack becomes so egotistical that he eventually leaves the group.  However, he realizes the error of his ways and makes up with his friends in time for a reunion concert.  

They sing a terrible song called "Friends Forever" that is kinda so bad that it's good.  Ya know? And yes, Zack, friends are forever, except for that time you kissed Lisa in front of Screech...or that time he kissed Jessie while she was still dating Slater...or...you know...basically any time he uses his friends to make a quick buck.  

3. Dancing to the Max 

(AKA: "The Sprain")

Ah-ha! So this was the very first episode beyond the Miss Bliss years! (Anyone else every wonder if Zack Morris really is Miss Bliss...kinda like Fight Club?)  Casey Kasem mysteriously hosts a dance contest at The Max, and surprise, surprise, the only Bayside students to enter are our limelight-hogging main characters.  Zack and Slater fight over Kelly Ka-POW-ski.  Jessie teaches Zack to dance.  Screech and Lisa end up winning after Lisa sprains her ankle and they invent a brilliantly titled dance called "the sprain."  

I like this one because Zack and Slater challenge each other to a dance-off to win Kelly as their partner.  A dance off???  Dude, only in my dreams have two gorgeous heterosexual men had a dance off over me.  Kelly Kapowski is one lucky piece of cheerleading ass.  I also vividly remember Jessie's nightmare about being too tall to date any high school boys.  She's like a caffeine-pill-addicted Alice in Wonderland.  

2. The Last Dance 

(AKA: Zack and Kelly break up)

Kelly cheats on Zack with her jerk-faced, college-boy boss, Jeff, causing her to dump preppy's ass at the dance.  

This episode broke my fourth-grade heart in a million pieces.   She sobs, "It wasn't supposed to be this way.  Not for us..." while Slater and Jessie sing "How am I supposed to live without you? Now that I've been loving you for so long..." in the background.  Tear jerker.  

Kelly, how could you?!  You two were meant to be!    And then Jeff latter gets caught cheating on Kelly, so it was all for nothing.  Jeff and his stupid face...  

1. Jessie's Song 

(AKA: I'm so excited; I'm so scared) 

Jessie becomes addicted to caffeine pills trying to maintain her status as the most pretentious ass-hat in all of Bayside.  Eventually she breaks down in Zack's arms singing, "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so scared..." and thus makes history.

If a person has somehow managed to block out all knowledge of this series, she will know about this scene nonetheless.  I still sometimes mimic Jessie after my second cup of coffee in the mornings.  But seriously, guys, addiction to caffeine pills is no laughing matter.



So there you have it.  I just spent way too much time on this.  You have no idea.

What are your most memorable episodes?