52 Weeks

One year ago today, I wrote this on the bloggy-blog:

"Blood pressure = good
Feet = not so swollen
Urine = protein free!
Hoo-ray!  Baby gets to sit and chill in there a bit longer!  Just three more weeks :"

Little did I know that the following morning I'd get more than just a delicious cup of coffee at my morning stop at Dunkin Donuts.

At 1:58 pm on September 14, Madeline Lee made her debut instantly making the world a much brighter place.  

The clearest memories I have from the day she was born are the ride over the hospital on a beautiful fall morning, my birthin' babies soundtrack playing in the background, feeling calm and ready for action; and the moment Madeline first heard my voice and instantly stopped crying to look straight at me.

I remember uncontrollably crying for about a week straight after she was born because my hormones were raging, and I was stressed over caring for a newborn, and all I wanted to do was watch TV and take a long, long nap.

I remember those early months as if I'm looking through a tense fog of sleepless nights.  I was constantly on edge.  I wouldn't even sleep under the bed covers in case I needed to leap out of bed suddenly in the middle of the night.

I was convinced Madeline hated me because she cried every time I held her.  In retrospect, this seems so ridiculous.  Madeline needed me because I'm her Mumma.  She loves me, and I love her.
     
 Then right around Christmas, Madeline decided to start sleeping.  Eric and I were able to have dinner together for the first time since Madeline was born, and it seemed like such a luxury to not have to worry about taking shifts rocking her to sleep.  We finally started to relax.

When Madeline was around six months old, she started becoming the Maddie Bear we know and love today.  Her newborn qualities vanished, and her baby personality began to shine.  She started showing her silly sense of humor, her insatiable curiosity, and her tendency to give the world a cheerful smile each and every morning.    

And now Madeline is one, whole year old.

She can climb the stairs in our new house already.  She doesn't get scared even when she's on the top step...her Mumma on the other hand...

She calls out for Eric all the time.  I think it's my new favorite thing she does.  Hearing "Da-aaaah?" echoing around the house makes me feel all smooshy inside.  

She's still taking three of four steps on her own before giving up and deciding to crawl instead.  I think she's capable of walking, but is scared of letting go.  If we just lightly hold her hand, she can walk till the cows come home.  She'll get there soon enough.   

Meanwhile, I think Madeline may find turning one just as bittersweet as her Mumma.  She's been much more dependent on us and her daycare teachers this week.  She won't eat unless she's spoon fed...after months of refusing anything given to her on a spoon.  She won't hold her bottle herself either.  

(Although, I must say, she did a great job of woofing down the pizza we gave her tonight for dinner.) 

My parents came over to help me take Madeline's last bunny picture this afternoon.

Can you believe she's gone from this...

 To this???

I'm so excited to enter the next stage of Madeline's life.  She's so much fun.  Everything is fresh and new through her eyes.  It's amazing watching her learn and grow and become a little, independent person.  

At the same time, I'll miss my little baby.  It's true what veteran moms tell you.  Those early days of sleepless parenthood seem torturous in the moment, but in retrospect, you'll come to miss them.  I'll miss the newborn smell.  I'll miss rocking her to sleep every night.  I'll miss carrying her around on my hip everywhere we go.  Le sigh.  

You're becoming such a big girl, Madeline.  

Thank you for a wonderful first year of being your Mumma.