Parenting Currently

Part of me wants to take away that ink pad and those stickers because this is not going to end well for me.  

But a bigger part is so happy that these two are playing happily and quietly with one another that I'm just going to sit back with my coffee and hope for the best.  

Teeny Tiny Ponytails

When Madeline was a wee tater tot, she was in the care of a nice lady named Ms. Sarah who ran the baby room at daycare.  Among Ms. Sarah's many talents was the ability to create pigtails on the baldest of babies.  

The first time I saw Maddie's teeny-tiny pigtails when I picked her up in the afternoon, I cocked my head to the side in confusion.  How was it even possible to put rubber bands in such fine hair?  

Somehow it worked, and the pigtails were there to stay.  When I think back to toddler Madeline, I always envision her with teeny tiny ponies.  

This morning, in the spirit of Ms. Sarah, I gave Vivi her first teeny tiny ponies.  She's officially a toddler now.  

Lament for the Big Sister

"Oh, look at Vivi!  Isn't she cute?  Isn't she clever?  Isn't she funny?" 

Those words pour through our house and hover in the air around our heads as Vivi learns a new skill, a new way to thrill and delight us, on a daily basis.  We "Oooh" and "Ahh" over her.  We praise and cuddle her.  Vivi takes up a lot of our time.  She takes up a lot of attention.

 A few weeks ago, I wrote about some of the drama that exists between my two girls as they grow together as sisters.  Vivi, even at fifteen months, can cut a look at Madeline harsh enough to freeze water.  But as it turns out, Madeline has a few looks of her own:

Doesn't her face just seem to be saying, "What the heck is her problem?"

I didn't notice Madeline's facial expression until I looked back at these pictures on my phone several days after they were taken, at which point  Eric and I had a laugh.  Then I looked again, and again, and the picture started to make me sad.  

We captured Madeline's feelings through the lens of my phone, but nobody noticed her in real life because all eyes were on her little sister.  This has become her life as the big sister.  Stories get interrupted.  Games get destroyed.  Her needs sometimes get ignored.

We fawned over Madeline once, perhaps even more so than Vivi since she was the only star in our sky.  We remind her of this, but of course she doesn't remember.

Meanwhile, the list of offenses grows longer.  

Vivi picks up a canister of markers and dumps it across the floor.  We laugh.  Maddie sees the attention, and dumps the canister of crayons, a giant grin in her face.  We scold.  She's a big kid.  She knows better.  

Maddie climbs the banister, "Look what I can do, Mumma!"  I don't mind until her littler sister tries to follow her up.  The game is over, and Madeline is told to get down.  She has to set a good example.  

Maddie wants me to play Play-Dough with her. She's been asking for a week, but there's little time for us to be alone.  We give it a try, with Vivi in my lap.  Two minutes in, Vivi eats a chunk of the pink.  I put her down, and she claws at my leg in tears.  Maddie ends up playing alone.  

Maddie's new magazine arrives in the mail, and she's eager to read it.  Vivi wants to see too, and so I lay the pages on the floor for them to share.  Vivi keeps sitting on the pages so Maddie can't see.  Madeline gets frustrated and head-butts her sister.  Madeline gets in trouble.  

There's a pile of toys that need to be cleaned up before bedtime.  "Vivi played with them too!  She has to help," Madeline argues.  I tell her that Vivi doesn't know how to clean up yet, and that we have to show her how.  Maddie carefully sorts the toys into separate baskets, and as soon as she rounds up all the blocks, her little sisters dumps them back out.  

We had to leave Madeline's field trip to the athletic center early last week to make it to one of Vivi's doctor's appointments.  She missed pajama day last month because Vivi had conjunctivitis and I was worried Madeline would infect the whole school.  She never did end up getting it.  

It's all so unfair being the big sister.  Sometimes I see it.  Sometimes I don't.

There's a delicate balance between ensuring Madeline feels important, and teaching her to make room in her world for others.  Sometimes I manage to make it work, and sometimes I fail miserably.

Besides, as the baby of the family, Vivi has a growing list of injustices too.  That's a post for another day.

I must say, Madeline handles her role as big sister beautifully.  She doesn't complain much.  She doesn't throw tantrums or stomp her feet.  She protests quietly with those secret dirty looks and occasional tattles.  

I just want you to know, Madeline, that I see you, and that I'm trying my best.  

  

Sister Drama

Vivi gets angry when I brush her big sister's hair.  She whines, screeches, and tries to claw her way between us.  I'm not sure if she's jealous of the attention I'm giving Madeline, or if she's jealous of the fact that Madeline has hair while she doesn't.  Either way, it's a problem.

After her usual tantrum yesterday, she suddenly gave up whining, snatched book Madeline was reading out of her hands, and toddled quickly out of reach.  

Since I had Madeline gripped firmly by the hair, there wasn't much the poor girl could do to defend herself other than cry out, "Hey!  Vivi!  Mumma, Vivi just took the book I was reading right out of my hands!"  

I looked up in time to see a look shoot across the room from one sister to another. THE look.  An evil, vindictive, glass-cutting glare.  And it was coming not from Madeline, but from my baby!  

It only lasted a second, but it was enough.  The message was clear.  "You took my Mumna. I took your book! And if you cross me again, I'm gonna have to cut a bitch."  

This was not an act of innocent babyhood.  Stealing that book was vindictive.  Calculated.  Aggressive.  

Somewhere beneath the chubby cheeks and doe eyes, there lurks the natural instinct to kill or be killed.  Vivi does not intend to loose in life.  Not now.  Not ever.  I admit.  I was a little scared by what I witnessed.    

By the time I finished Madeline's braid, the brush, the book, and the look had all been forgotten.  They went right back to playing as if nothing had happened.

I've witnessed this pattern over and over again.  For the briefest of seconds, after some wrong or another, they are worst enemies.  Five seconds later, they are best buddies again.  I don't pretend to understand it.  I try my best to stay out of it and let nature take its course.  Although, after seeing that look, I would watch my back if I were Madeline.

So, in an effort to help me forget that my sweet child may actually be Rosemary's Baby, here are some cute pictures of the girls loving one another. 

The protect one another from the vacuum cleaner.

They watch cartoons together.  

They share toys.  

Maddie reads books to her little sister.  

M & V Winter, 2015

                            Madeline at 4 years, 5 months            Vivi at thirteen months 

                               Wearing

 Purple Uggs/ Brown Bearpaws 

(both courtesy of Mimi)

                               Reading

Welcome to Mamoko/ If You Give a Pig a Party...obviously

                                Snacking On

Gummy Fruits/ Wheat Thins with Sunbutter 

                      Playing With

Art Supplies/ Art Supplies 

                                Watching

 

 Angelina Ballerina on the iPad/ Videos of herself on my phone

Monkey See...

If we made one giant pile of our baby toys and tossed Vivienne in the center of it, she'd never be seen again.

Seriously.  She's a small baby.  She has A LOT of toys.  Enough to keep twenty small babies occupied for quite some time. (As long as there aren't any electrical cords or cardboard boxes around to distract the babies from the toys that is...)

All her toys are age appropriate and awesome.  She has hippopotami that sing, a puppy that walks on his hind legs, and enough Little People to populate Rhode Island.  If I were a baby, I would play with those toys all damn day, son.  

But Vivi?  All Vivi wants to play with is the Disney Princess Glitter Glider Castle Playset complete with MagiClip Glitter Glider Princesses.  Of course.  

After all, it's Madeline's toy, and therefore, the coolest thing Vivi has seen since passing through the birth canal.  

Madeline is a little less than thrilled with her little sister trying to swipe her Christmas present, so Vivi doesn't get to play with it much.  This seems to only make her want it more.  I spend a good portion of my afternoon trying to keep the peace between Madeline, Vivi, and the Glitter Glider Castle Playset.  

Luckily for Vivi, Madeline's not always around.  Sometimes she's at school, or helping Dada shovel, or playing with the mountain of baby toys in the other room.  And when big sister's away, Vivi will play...

She's not quite sure what to do with those princesses once she's not trying to sneak them away from Madeline. Mostly she makes a lot of high-pitched oohs and ahhs while she lines them up on the table.  Occasionally she tries to send them down the slide, but then she gets frustrated and throws them on the floor.  A few second later she forgets her anger and chews on their heads.  This morning she spent nearly an hour repeating this cycle while Madeline was at school.  It was glorious.  I got to drink my coffee in peace while Cinderella's face got gnawed on for a change.  

And so it begins.  Vivi will now spend the next eighteen years of her life trying to copy everything that Madeline does.  Baby toys?  Who needs those when there are four-year-old toys in the house!?  

Vivi will probably try to ride a bike long before she's ready, steal her sister's lipstick, and whine about her unfairly early curfew.

 This also means that if Madeline starts sneaking out of the house to booze with her friends at sixteen, Vivi will start doing it at thirteen. 

 We're hoping Maddie decides to play the tuba. 

M & V: Fall, 2014

Playing:

M: Elsa and Anna MagiClips.  She's still obsessed with Frozen, and she loves MagiClips of all kinds.  She thinks it's funny to switch their outfits.  

V: Melissa & Doug Farm Animals puzzle.   This is a leftover from Madeline's baby days.  She can't do the puzzle yet, but she likes to play (chew on) with the different animals.  

Reading:

M: Room on the Broom.  We took out all of Madeline's Halloween books at the beginning of the month.  This one is by far our favorite.  It's so fun to read.  

V: Little Hands Love.  Vivi likes any book with different textures to explore.  She likes to turn the pages herself too.  

Eating:

M: Apples.  Tis the season for apples.  She will eat two or three of them at a time.  She has been very into snacking lately, so I don't mind offering her apples between meals.  

V: Mostly purees with some cut up fruits/veggies.  Pictured here are frozen cubes of pureed prunes, carrots, peaches, and blueberry/spinach.  

Wearing: 

M: Orange jacket from Jannie and Jack bought last year.  

V: Orange pumpkin hat from a local craft fair.  Also, a Maddie Bear hand-me-down.  

Watching:

M: Winnie the Pooh.  She discovered her old Winnie the Pooh costume and wore it for about a week straight.  Yes, it's her costume from when she was one.  Yes, it's ridiculously tight and short.  Then she decided she needed to watch Winnie the Pooh while wearing her costume.  She used to love, love, love this movie, but hasn't watched it in over a year.  I was happy to revisit an old friend.  

V:  She is a baby.  She doesn't watch TV.  

P.S.  I'm copying this idea from HERE.  See our summer edition HERE.  

Sisterly Affection...

And by affection, I mean carefully controlled frustration, jealousy, and rage. It's arrived.  

For the first months of Vivi's life, Madeline loved and tolerated her.  Then that baby became mobile, Madeline realized she isn't just a cuddly piece of furniture, and the novelty quickly wore off.  

Madeline is done.  Finished.  She's had enough. 

Vivi knocked over my coffee cup a few days ago.  As I pulled her away from the puddle, I sighed, "Oh, Vivienne, what am I going to do with  you?" 

Without missing a beat, Madeline answered, "Let's put her in the closet."  

The suggestion was made in earnest, and I have no doubt that Madeline would happily store Vivi away in the closet for an afternoon or two.  She wouldn't even feel bad about it.

There's part of me that doesn't blame Madeline one bit.  Now that Vivi can crawl, every time Maddie tries to build a tower, do a puzzle, or draw a picture, Vivi is there to ruin it. Maddie has to share toys that used to be hers.  She gets reprimanded for leaving spilled Cheerios everywhere for Vivi to find.  The smallest toys need to stay out of reach.  Worst of all, in spite of our best intentions, Vivi takes up most of Mumma and Dada's time and energy.  It's hard being the big sister.  

Then last week she knocked Vivi over with the glider in their bedroom, mumbled a very insincere "Sorry, Viv," and just kept right on banging the chair into her baby head.

A day later, there was a thump when I left the room for a moment to put something away.  

"What was that?"  I called as I rushed to its source.

"Vivienne..." Maddie said nonchalantly.

I turned the corner to find Maddie sitting in the Bumbo, (the very same Bumbo her baby sister had just been crawling on a moment before) and Vivi rolling on the floor about to burst into tears.

And that was not the first time I caught Maddie snatching toys away from Vivi or elbowing her out of the way.  

My sympathy for Madeline does not extend to doing her sister bodily harm.  Time outs were had. Tears were shed.  Conversations about the responsibility of being the big sister were repeated.  

Meanwhile, Vivi worships the ground Madeline walks on.  She constantly chases after her, which is annoying for Madeline.  But it's also a little sad for Vivienne when the big sister she loves so much avoids her.  It's not her fault that she's just a little baby who can't do anything but knock over Lego towers.  She wants to play too!  

I'm hoping Madeline will become more receptive to playing as Vivi grows older and less destructive.  Fingers crossed...

In the meantime, we keep some zones Vivi-free for Madeline to escape to.  We build time for Madeline to spend alone with us.  We remind her how much Vivi looks up to her, and we praise all the good big sister things we see her do.  

This morning Maddie was back to sharing Olaf, giving hugs, and helping her walk across the room.  We'll see how long it lasts...

Big Sister Strikes Back

We already know that little sisters can be obnoxious.  But as it turns out, big sisters can be just as bad.

M: Let's take a cute picture for Mumma.

V: Okay, I'm just gonna chew on this booger sucker.

V: Okay, I'm done.  Let me go.

M: Nope.  

V:  Let me go...

M: Nope.  

V: Very funny.  Seriously, let me go.  

M: Nope.

V: Quit it!

M: Nope.

V: Lemme go! Lemme go! Let. Me. Go!

M: Heh-heh...Nope.

V: (Whine. Whimper.)

M: And...nope.  

V: Are you kidding me with this crap?!

M: Look into my eyes...Nope!

V: Mumma!

M: I don't know what she's so upset about.  

Little Sisters are Obnoxious

Big Sister is playing Legos.  I'm gonna totally mess with her.

 That was hilarious, right?  

Let me do it again.

What?  Why are you telling me "no-no"?  This is hilarious.

Watch more closely this time.  You'll get it.

See?!  Bwhahaha. Oh my God....so hilarious.

But seriously, Maddie.  I want in on this action.

 ...

What part of "I want to eat them," don't you understand?  Gimme some Legos! 

Dude, you're really not gonna let me eat them?

Haha.  She's mad at me.

Fine.  I didn't want to play with your stupid Legos anyway.

 Then again...