Happiness Is...

Toddler Tantrums are Bad for the Skin

About two weeks ago, when Madeline tossed herself on the floor in the deli section of the supermarket and refused to budge, I thought to myself, "Ah-ha!  So this is what two looks like..."

If it were possible to meet my 23 year-old, single self in the aisles of that supermarket, I would have punched her in the nose.  Not just for being about thirty pounds lighter, but also for ever thinking, "Pshhh, my kids will never act that way."  Cause there I was, carrying Madeline through the store under one arm like a sack of screaming, red-headed potatoes.  (That sounds like a good name for a rock band, yes?)

While waiting at the register, Madeline insisted on performing the front stroke on the grimy linoleum floors like a baby Michael Phelps.  I sighed heavily and watched her with an expression that I'm sure was a mixture of disgust, stress, and a bit of awe.

A kind-faced woman behind me giggled and said, "I remember when my kids used to do that."  I noted that she had come shopping without her children.  Ah, the wisdom of veteran mothers.

The single-looking man in front of me turned around and shrugged,  "Well...I guess that's what they make hand sanitizer for..."  But I'm judging from his smug expression that he was really thinking, "Well...I guess that's what they make condoms for..."

I'd like to report that this was a one-time aberration, and that my sweet, well-behaved daughter was just having an off day.  But I've lied to myself enough already.  From what I've been told, this is what my life will look like for the next three years.  After that,  I'll get a brief reprieve until puberty hits.  

The problem is that toddlers are the most irrational and selfish human beings on the planet.  More irrational than the teenagers I work with.  More irrational than a certain fat pregnant lady on a hot summer day...ahem.

Therefore, as hard as I try to explain to her that she can't wear her sparkly shoes to school because they no longer physically fit on her feet, she just. does. not. get. it.  Insert epic toddler tantrum here.  Or anywhere, really, because we're having one about every two minutes up in this piece.

According to the world of Madeline, everything is worth crying over, and everything is worth a fight.   If I tell her she's having Mac n' Cheese for dinner, (her most favoritest thing in the world) she'll claim she wants a hot dog.  Meanwhile, she just spent the past five nights in a row crying for Mac n' Cheese.  If I ask her if she wants to play outside, she runs crying into the living room.  Meanwhile, every time we walk from the car to the door of our house, she begs to play outside.  See where I'm going with this?  It's like I'm living with a politician during election season....in diapers.  

Sometimes our discipline is swift and merciless.  Anything that could possibly injure her or others is non negotiable.   Sometimes it's a give and take.  For example, she must wear pants when we have company no matter how many times she yells, "I nakeds!  I nakeds!"  But if there's nobody there but us, I let her take her pants off.  Thus, I'm teaching her a valuable life lesson:  Walking around the house without pants is fine as long as there's no one else there to see you.  Other times, it's best to just ignore her tantrums all together. Throw yourself on the floor all you want, Madeline, you are not getting chocolate for breakfast.  Meanwhile, Mumma is going to calmly drink a cup of coffee mixed with Valium.  

Mainly though?  Mainly, we have no idea what we're doing.  Baby instruction manuals are about the same size as Apple's instruction manuals.  We might as well be harvesting rutabagas on the moon for all the good our explaining and disciplining is doing.  Madeline is a total handful every second of the day.  Her terror has even started to spread to daycare where she refuses to help clean up and instead dances on tables.  Awesome.  

Luckily, we're bigger than Madeline, and often more intelligent, and sometimes more rational, so we usually win these little power struggles.

Then, when I'm just about ready to pull out my hair and suggest Eric go get a vasectomy, Madeline does the trickiest thing of all.  She acts sweet.  She sits down to dinner and says, "Thank you, Mumma," before leaning in for a kiss.  That little stinker.

Sometimes it takes two pacifiers to sooth the savage toddler.

Toddle Along Tuesday: Little People for a Little World

Eric and I both grew up playing with Fisher Price's Little People, so it's no surprise that we've brought the new generation into our home for Madeline.

The new Little People are almost as cute as the old ones, but less esophagus shaped, which is probably good because I know I used to try to rip the heads off those suckers with my teeth all the time when I was a kid.  Luckily, the little redhead girl survived my gnawing and now lives on my desk.

Madeline's collection has grown quite large over the past year thanks mostly in part to grandparents and things like Christmas and birthdays.  For example, our Little People family has not one, but two, Mummas.  (It's a lifestyle choice, don't judge.)  We also have grandparents, babies, several children, some farm animals, and a whole gaggle of princesses.  We even have the Baby Jesus.

The reason we like these toys so much is because they offer endless possibilities for imaginative play.  As Madeline gets older, the games she plays with her Little People become more complex.  She first spent her time her time lining them up neatly in rows.  (Madeline is a very orderly little baby.  She did not get that from me.)  Now that she's older, she takes her Little People through the daily routines of life.  They have snack time and nap time.  The babies take baths and the Mumma(s) read them stories.  The princesses try on hats, eat dinner and sleep under the covers.  While she's outgrown many of her baby toys, she'll be playing with these guys for years to come.

Of course, Mumma and Dada have some fun with them too.  We even staged our own Little People football game last year during the Super Bowl.  Nerds.  And when we go to the toy store, Eric and I always rush down the Little People aisle to see what new goodies are in stock.  Double nerds.

 Luckily, Madeline enjoys them almost as much as we do...

 I'm linking up with Toddler Along Tuesday over at Growing Up Geeky.  This week's topic is your favorite toddler toys.

Behind the Scenes: September

September is an important month in our family.  It's a busy back-to-school month, a birthday month, a memory month, a let's-soak-in-the-scent-of-fall month!

Here's a look back at what we were up to.

We enjoyed the last of our garden...

We ran more bases than the Red Sox....bwomp, bwomp.  

 We took some fashion advice from Mrs. Potato Head...

 We found our gangsta ride...

 We chased rainbows on the floor...

 We watched football...(well, not me, but some other members of our household sure did.)

 We ate the frosting off many a cupcake...

 We skinned Elmo and turned him into a hat...

 Made from real Elmo fur...

 We took walks in the woods...

 We finished painting the office...FINALLY!

 We introduced Madeline to her first bicycle...

 And celebrated her second birthday...

 We played with our dollhouse...

 And hoarded Little People...

 We visited the playground...

 Cuddled with Dada...

 And investigated some gnarly ass pumpkins...

 We warily visited some goats from afar because they are the devil's beast...

 And we sent some balloons to Ellis.

Goodbye, September 2012.  Hello, October!

The Glamourous Life of Me

It's funny how when your child gets sick, your mind automatically considers the worst possibilities.  

Here's what happened in our house this morning after I woke up to find Madeline gagging and retching in her crib:  

Calling to Eric from Madeline's room: "Omigod, Eric, I think Madeline has Rabies!!  She keeps gagging, and there's a weird scratch on her neck.  Maybe a bat bit her!"  

A loud sigh emerges from the bedroom where Eric is trying to get ready for work.  I ignore him and start checking under Madeline's bed for bats.  

Even though Madeline probably just ate too much cheese for dinner last night or something equally non-life threatening, I Googled the symptoms of Malaria.  It had to be Malaria.  Or Rabies.  Or Meningitis.    

After a few sad and lethargic hours, Madeline finally sat up and asked for some juice.  She took one sip, started crying, curled up in my lap....and vomited all. over. me.  It was just like old times, except now her stomach is larger than the size of a walnut and her diet consists of more than just breast milk.  Awesome.  

I guess she just needed to get it out of her system, because no sooner had I dabbed a towel across my lap did Madeline ask for a bagel.  I gave her half of one, she ate it, and asked for more.  Now she's back to her usual self.  A few moments ago, she whacked me with a drum stick and said, "Ouch, that hurts."  

Boy, it's a good thing Rabies and Malaria clear up so quickly...

A is for Apple

I feel as though last Saturday should have been dubbed National-Go-Stand-In-A-Field-Crowded-With-People-Wearing-Patriot's Shirts-And-Pick-Some-Apples Day.  Cause seriously.  

I love apple picking and had a Jim-dandy 'ole time.  Eric just sorta shuffled down the rows of trees, carrying a bag of apples, trying desperately to understand the strange traditions of New Englanders in the fall.  Maybe they don't pick apples in Long Island.  Or maybe Eric just doesn't pick apples in Long Island???  Regardless, he just doesn't get my apple-picking enthusiasm.  Luckily, he is a loving husband and a good sport, so he at least pretended to have a good time.  

Madeline wasn't that into picking apples either.  However, baby gal was interested in EATING apples, which is just as important.  

 She's saying, "Cheese!" in the picture above.

And for comparison's sake...a look back at last year's apple-picking extravaganza.....

 We also went and visited the pumpkins.  Madeline insisted in turning them so that they were all facing the correct direction.  Sigh....little Ms. Perfectionist.

 This is her I'm-gonna-run-away-and-pout-in-a-pumpkin-patch pose.

 And yes, we have matching sneakers because we're awesome like that.

Second Birthday Video

Remember how I made this adorable video for father's day last year?

Well, this year, I decided to wait until Maddie's birthday to make a new one.  This is mainly because we didn't take nearly as many videos this year as we did during her first year of life.  Parenting fail.  Womp. Womp.

I'm a little late getting this finished, but here's a look back at Madeline's life as a one-year-old.




Also, they've reset the votes at Top Baby Blogs again.  If you could take a moment to click the brown button in the sidebar, and then click again when you see the owls, I would greatly appreciate it.  You're awesome.