Sigh....the Internet is an amazing place! Remember when one of my resolutions was to not use it as much???
Currently thinking about...
Blood of Louis XVI Found in Gourd Container
Imagine wiping up the blood of a decapitated royal with your hankie?! Imagine keeping the bloody squash in your cabinet for all these years? (Would make a killer Yankee Swap gift!) And we thought the current celebrity gawking was bad... Also, it's fun to imagine the cloning possibilities. Zoo of famous people past?
Currently amazed by...
The Earth's Story in 60 Seconds
This video is so fun to watch, and it only takes a minute. If only sophomore biology had taken one minute...bleck. Stuff like this simultaneously awes me, and makes me wanna crawl into the fetal position under my dining room table. The universe is so crazy. We're so small and fragile. I'm still not convinced that we're not all just living the crust of some larger being's toenail. Seriously.
Currently wanting...
It's about to get a lot brighter in these parts. I better start waxing my eyebrows more often. Have you seen Young House Love's lighting collection at Shades of Light yet? They are so fun and colorful. I'm not sure where they'd fit in our house yet...but I'm willing to decorate around them.
Currently inspired by...
The Crosbie Crew's 52 Weeks of Us
I just discovered this blog, (thanks, Mom) and I really love this idea. We rarely get pictures of as an entire family. Usually I'm behind the camera...or Eric's behind the camera. Sometimes Madeline is even behind the camera. I'd love to keep up with this. Add this goal to the list!!
Currently LOVIN'...
The PicCal app on my IPhone!!! You can enter a photograph for each day of the year, and it's free. I definitely take at least one picture a day ...I have a cute kid...so it's a challenge narrowing it down to a favorite for the day. I only have three photos so far...but man, I can't wait to add one tomorrow...so fun!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Letters to Maddie Bear: December, 2011
***I wrote this back on Friday, December 14, but then I heard about Newton almost immediately after writing it, and I never posted it. Thought I'd update now. The picture is from yesterday, however. Good gracious, she looks soooo grown-up in that picture. ***
Dear Madeline,
You are much too young to know who Dave Chappelle is, and I wouldn’t want you exposed to such language anyhow, but living with you recently is a bit like living with his version of Lil Jon. For example:
Madeline: What you doin’ Mumma?
Me: Washing my hands.
Madeline: What?!
Me: I’m washing my hands.
Madeline: What?!
Me: I’m washing my hands.
Madeline: What?!
Me: I am washing m...
Madeline: What?!
Me: (Sigh) I’m getting my hands clean, Madeline.
Madeline: What dat mean?
At first I was worried you were experiencing hearing loss. Then I thought you were simply asking us to clarify things you didn’t understand. But washing my hands? You know what that is. You beg to do it every time you enter the kitchen. I don’t know, Maddie Bear. I just don’t know.
This year is the first year you’ve started to understand the concept of Christmas, so we’ve been getting lots of “What?!”s as we start to decorate the house with unfamiliar things.
We took out your Little People manger this week. You keep asking me the names of everyone, but I don’t know who the wise men are. I’ve dubbed them Larry, Moe, and Curly. (I’m sorry, God. Don’t smite me.)
Last year, you were so petrified by our antique Baby Jesus that you wouldn’t even enter the room. Now, you love him. You saw him on the shelf the other day and begged, “I want the Jesus Baby! She my favorite.” I keep reminding you that it’s a HIM, but you haven’t quite accepted that yet. Maybe it’s the long robe?
Meanwhile, when we went Christmas tree hunting last week, you were very bored by the whole process. Every time I asked you if you liked a tree you simply said, “No” before wandering on to the next one. When we finally picked out the one we were going to buy you said, “No, I want Christmas.” I think you were thrown off by the fact that the trees were not pre-decorated. Who wants a boring old pine tree, Mumma?!
Yet once we got it home and put the lights on it, you squealed, “Yay! We have Christmas!!!” We had to remind you to be a gentle a few times, but you mostly stayed out of our way while we decorated the tree.
You’re becoming increasingly independent. It’s getting harder to convince you to hold hands when we’re in public because you want to walk by yourself. We often hear the frustrated grunts of you trying to get your shoes or socks on by yourself. You still have very little patience, my dear. I fear it is genetic.
You’re also very silly. You love to make us laugh, and you ham up the cute-factor to work to your advantage whenever possible. Every morning after I get you dressed, you state, “I look beautiful!” Last night, while trying to wrestle you into your crib, Dada sighed, “Oh, Madeline why is everything you say so adorable?” It’s hard to stay stern when you’re cracking us up.
We were buzzing along with potty training, but you had a major setback after an accident on the floor traumatized you. You haven’t wanted to use the potty since. That’s okay. We’re taking a break again until you feel ready. You’re still little, and we’ll get there soon enough.
I love you, Maddie Bear. I can’t wait to see your face on Christmas morning after Santa comes to our house. You’re filling the holiday season with magic in our house once more.
Love You Always and a Day,
Mumma
Dear Madeline,
You are much too young to know who Dave Chappelle is, and I wouldn’t want you exposed to such language anyhow, but living with you recently is a bit like living with his version of Lil Jon. For example:
Madeline: What you doin’ Mumma?
Me: Washing my hands.
Madeline: What?!
Me: I’m washing my hands.
Madeline: What?!
Me: I’m washing my hands.
Madeline: What?!
Me: I am washing m...
Madeline: What?!
Me: (Sigh) I’m getting my hands clean, Madeline.
Madeline: What dat mean?
At first I was worried you were experiencing hearing loss. Then I thought you were simply asking us to clarify things you didn’t understand. But washing my hands? You know what that is. You beg to do it every time you enter the kitchen. I don’t know, Maddie Bear. I just don’t know.
This year is the first year you’ve started to understand the concept of Christmas, so we’ve been getting lots of “What?!”s as we start to decorate the house with unfamiliar things.
We took out your Little People manger this week. You keep asking me the names of everyone, but I don’t know who the wise men are. I’ve dubbed them Larry, Moe, and Curly. (I’m sorry, God. Don’t smite me.)
Last year, you were so petrified by our antique Baby Jesus that you wouldn’t even enter the room. Now, you love him. You saw him on the shelf the other day and begged, “I want the Jesus Baby! She my favorite.” I keep reminding you that it’s a HIM, but you haven’t quite accepted that yet. Maybe it’s the long robe?
Meanwhile, when we went Christmas tree hunting last week, you were very bored by the whole process. Every time I asked you if you liked a tree you simply said, “No” before wandering on to the next one. When we finally picked out the one we were going to buy you said, “No, I want Christmas.” I think you were thrown off by the fact that the trees were not pre-decorated. Who wants a boring old pine tree, Mumma?!
Yet once we got it home and put the lights on it, you squealed, “Yay! We have Christmas!!!” We had to remind you to be a gentle a few times, but you mostly stayed out of our way while we decorated the tree.
You’re becoming increasingly independent. It’s getting harder to convince you to hold hands when we’re in public because you want to walk by yourself. We often hear the frustrated grunts of you trying to get your shoes or socks on by yourself. You still have very little patience, my dear. I fear it is genetic.
You’re also very silly. You love to make us laugh, and you ham up the cute-factor to work to your advantage whenever possible. Every morning after I get you dressed, you state, “I look beautiful!” Last night, while trying to wrestle you into your crib, Dada sighed, “Oh, Madeline why is everything you say so adorable?” It’s hard to stay stern when you’re cracking us up.
We were buzzing along with potty training, but you had a major setback after an accident on the floor traumatized you. You haven’t wanted to use the potty since. That’s okay. We’re taking a break again until you feel ready. You’re still little, and we’ll get there soon enough.
I love you, Maddie Bear. I can’t wait to see your face on Christmas morning after Santa comes to our house. You’re filling the holiday season with magic in our house once more.
Love You Always and a Day,
Mumma
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
What We've Been Up To: Christmas Edition
Christmas break this year was good. We were really, really busy doing fun Christmas-y things, but we also had an equal amount of time to just relax.
We They installed a new dishwasher to replace the one that's been there since Reagan was in office.
We wore silly Christmas sunglasses...cause why not?
We went to a local Christmas fair where Madeline had a grand old time riding in a giant strawberry with Dada and the carousel with Mumma...
We celebrated the season at my sister's house...
Where Madeline got to pose with the old family Santa...
It took us about three days to open them all because Madeline isn't a fan of unwrapping presents....ummm, what?!
Dada enjoyed his plastic trombone...
Mumma enjoyed a pomagranate martini (couldn't find the appropriate glasses,) a New Girl marathon, and some delicious cookies imported from New York...
We went swimming with Nana and Pop at their hotel...while there was a snowstorm outside...
We got in touch with our inner princesses...
Madeline played in the snow for only the second time in her life...
We watched princess movies...while dressed as princesses...
And we snuggled on the couch, and stayed up past our bedtimes.
Since it's been a few weeks since I've blogged, I thought I'd fill you in on what we've been up to.
We decorated the Christmas tree...
We wore silly Christmas sunglasses...cause why not?
We went to a local Christmas fair where Madeline had a grand old time riding in a giant strawberry with Dada and the carousel with Mumma...
We celebrated the season at my sister's house...
Where Madeline got to pose with the old family Santa...
We got a note from Santa thanking Madeline for the cookies and carrots she left for him and his reindeer...
We found our tree overflowing with presents on Christmas morning...It took us about three days to open them all because Madeline isn't a fan of unwrapping presents....ummm, what?!
Dada enjoyed his plastic trombone...
Mumma enjoyed a pomagranate martini (couldn't find the appropriate glasses,) a New Girl marathon, and some delicious cookies imported from New York...
We went swimming with Nana and Pop at their hotel...while there was a snowstorm outside...
We got in touch with our inner princesses...
Madeline played in the snow for only the second time in her life...
We watched princess movies...while dressed as princesses...
And we snuggled on the couch, and stayed up past our bedtimes.
Last night, Eric was pacing through the house peeking out the windows at the snow. Madeline was a grouchy ball of whine who kept asking to go back to school. So, even though I was pretty bummed to return to work today, I guess it was time.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Summer and Eric's Rocking New Year's Eve
I used to be a fun person. Then I started breeding, and the definition of the word "fun" changed.
Fun used to mean putting on my big girl pumps and going out to drink myself stupid surrounded by friends and a group of glitter-covered strangers on New Year's Eve. Now fun means ordering take out at 6 pm, watching Pitch Perfect, and managing to keep our eyes pried open long enough to realize that Carson Daley is the new Dick Clark and you don't recognize a single thing on MTV...except Snookie's cleavage.
So someday, little Madeline, when you're embarrassed to be sitting couch-side with your two lame-o parents on New Year's Eve, just remember...this is your fault.
One of the perks of this new "fun" however, is that there's no nasty hangover to contend with. Although Madeline stayed up till 10 pm and refused to nap today...so it's sorta the same thing.
Plus, I found a Pac-man shaped potato chip...so that was pretty awesome.
Meanwhile...
![]() |
| New Year's 2007 |
So someday, little Madeline, when you're embarrassed to be sitting couch-side with your two lame-o parents on New Year's Eve, just remember...this is your fault.
One of the perks of this new "fun" however, is that there's no nasty hangover to contend with. Although Madeline stayed up till 10 pm and refused to nap today...so it's sorta the same thing.
Plus, I found a Pac-man shaped potato chip...so that was pretty awesome.
Meanwhile...
Goals and Resolutions for 2012
(At least ones I am willing to share on the Internets cause God knows you don't need to know everything about me.)
- Find a mail system that works in order to get more organized.
- Complete at least one big house project (Kitchen? Built-ins?)
- Take a vacation with my family
- Print and display more of the pictures we take
- Potty train the Maddie Bear
- Be not broke-ass poor
- Work out and stop eating potato chips....cause damn, girl.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Happy Trails, 2012: A Year with Our Little Baby
The past three years have been big for our little family. First, we birthed a Maddie Bear, then we bought a house, and in true modern-era-family tradition, finally got married this past summer. Eric and I joke that 2013 is going to seem pretty boring in comparison...
Just like last year, I though I'd bid adieu to 2012 in style...and so I transport your back in time.....
January
In January, I re-watched Season One of Felicity enough to make me realize that I'm old. I vowed to get organized, (spoiler alert: still hasn't happened) and we showed off M's new vocabulary! We made a leap into the work of grownups by buying our first dining room table. Then we took an even larger leap when Eric decided he liked it enough to put a ring on it. Toward the end of the month, M got to play in the snow for the first, and only, time that winter. Meanwhile, Madeline amazed me with her incredible juice-box-drinking skills, and her incessant desire to knock over every block tower bigger than hers.
February
I failed at taking a self portrait before spending a night at Mohegan Sun to celebrate Amy's 30th. I marveled for the 100th time at Eric's rad parenting skills. Madeline got to play in a giant pit of plastic balls for the first time, and she quit the bottle for good. Meanwhile, I shared plans for M's room, and we painted the dining room. Madeline's room has not had any significant improvements since then...the dining room is coming along slowly.
March
In March, I shared embarrassing pictures of my youth to prove being a redhead isn't always easy. I tried easing the boredom of playing indoors with some cloud dough and a bowl full of Pom-poms for M to play with. We braved the cold wind with a day at the beach. I laughed at the five-second rule due to M's constant practice of eating day-old Cheerios off the floor. We took advantage of some early warm weather by eating Popsicles on the porch, and we tried to get a 1-year-six-month bunny picture update. I shared the story of naming Ellis Jane, and the less endearing story of teaching Madeline to swear.
April
Eric and I found our wedding location, and I debated holding the ceremony at an amazing Vermont rest area. Meanwhile, Madeline enjoyed her second Easter with her cousin, Katie Belle. We found the mysterious drawer from the basement, and M had a brief stint as the playground bully...a phase that thankfully did not last. As the weather warmed, we cleaned up the yard and installed a raised vegetable garden. We had a fantastic spring break sitting porch side and traveling to Montauk to visit with Nana and Pop.
May
In May, Madeline learned to climb on everything. We visited playgrounds, picked dandelions, enjoyed a local farm, and ran around the yard in squeaky shoes. I shared some fears about raising a confident daughter. We ended the month looking forward to summer vacation while lounging by the beach.
June
We celebrated the life of Madeline's great grandfather. M and I took the train to New York, which had me nervous, but turned out fine. We ate breakfast on the porch and watched our garden grow. We celebrated father's day, and the last day of school. Madeline learned how to avoid bedtime by crying pooh-pooh. Wedding planning got serious with a trip to Vermont and an epic invitation-making marathon...complete with Dawson's Creek.
July
We rang in Madeline's second Fourth of July with a parade (which she slept through again), a messy red, white, and blue arts and crafts, and some sangria...for me, not her. We listened to Dada's concerts on the common with Mimi and Bob. We visited Montauk where we cruised around on Pop's boat. We enjoyed the fruits of our garden, and tasted some cupcakes in Vermont. Meanwhile, in the midst of all this madness, I decided to stencil ALL the walls of our office, and I roped Eric into hacking an old set of bookshelves into a dollhouse for Madeline. Best of all, at the end of the month I was surprised twice in the same weekend with a bachelorette party and bridal shower! Phew...July was bus-say!
August
In August we finished up with baby gymnastics, but more importantly, we got MARRIED!!! After the celebration, I shared some DIY projects...invitations, ribbon wands, pinwheels...oh my! After the wedding madness, we relaxed by baking zucchini muffins. Then I forever traumatized my daughter with her first haircut.
September
Back to reality! I bemoaned going back to work and missing out on such precious moments as Madeline singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. We celebrated Madeline's second birthday with visits by both grandparent sets. I even created a cheesy video montage... A few weeks later, we commemorated Ellis Jane's fourth birthday. Finally, we welcomed fall by apple picking...it's the American way!
October
In October Madeline welcomed us to the wonderful world of temper tantrums. We ran through some hay mazes, watched football, and Maddie Bear gave her poor Mumma a heart attack by eating a poisonous red berry from the front yard. We updated the bunny pictures, made some artwork for the office, and I carved Madeline's first jack-o-lantern for her since she was not at all interested in the pumpkins. We braved Hurricane Sandy, and put Madeline's homemade Halloween costume on hold for the second year in a row due to unnatural weather.
November
Madeline FINALLY got to go trick-or-treating for the first time. She was the cutest lawn gnome I've ever seen. We visited Connecticut with Eric's family where we had to fish a googly eye out of Maddie Bear's ear. We enjoyed some beautiful fall days by jumping in leaf piles before celebrating Thanksgiving with Mimi and Bob. And we enjoyed one more crisp day at the beach before the cold really set in.
December
I got my act together and finished M's advent calendar after two years of procrastination. We went to the premiere of Curious George where we got to meet theman monkey himself. We got in the Christmas spirit by visiting Santa, attending the tree-lighting ceremony, and Christmas-fying Eric one strand of lights at a time. Finally, our hearts were crushed along with the nation's after learning of the tragedy in Connecticut. After that, I took a break from the blog to enjoy Christmas with my family....which I did...and will tell you more about soon.
And so, 2013?
Just like last year, I though I'd bid adieu to 2012 in style...and so I transport your back in time.....
January
In January, I re-watched Season One of Felicity enough to make me realize that I'm old. I vowed to get organized, (spoiler alert: still hasn't happened) and we showed off M's new vocabulary! We made a leap into the work of grownups by buying our first dining room table. Then we took an even larger leap when Eric decided he liked it enough to put a ring on it. Toward the end of the month, M got to play in the snow for the first, and only, time that winter. Meanwhile, Madeline amazed me with her incredible juice-box-drinking skills, and her incessant desire to knock over every block tower bigger than hers.
February
I failed at taking a self portrait before spending a night at Mohegan Sun to celebrate Amy's 30th. I marveled for the 100th time at Eric's rad parenting skills. Madeline got to play in a giant pit of plastic balls for the first time, and she quit the bottle for good. Meanwhile, I shared plans for M's room, and we painted the dining room. Madeline's room has not had any significant improvements since then...the dining room is coming along slowly.
March
In March, I shared embarrassing pictures of my youth to prove being a redhead isn't always easy. I tried easing the boredom of playing indoors with some cloud dough and a bowl full of Pom-poms for M to play with. We braved the cold wind with a day at the beach. I laughed at the five-second rule due to M's constant practice of eating day-old Cheerios off the floor. We took advantage of some early warm weather by eating Popsicles on the porch, and we tried to get a 1-year-six-month bunny picture update. I shared the story of naming Ellis Jane, and the less endearing story of teaching Madeline to swear.
April
Eric and I found our wedding location, and I debated holding the ceremony at an amazing Vermont rest area. Meanwhile, Madeline enjoyed her second Easter with her cousin, Katie Belle. We found the mysterious drawer from the basement, and M had a brief stint as the playground bully...a phase that thankfully did not last. As the weather warmed, we cleaned up the yard and installed a raised vegetable garden. We had a fantastic spring break sitting porch side and traveling to Montauk to visit with Nana and Pop.
May
In May, Madeline learned to climb on everything. We visited playgrounds, picked dandelions, enjoyed a local farm, and ran around the yard in squeaky shoes. I shared some fears about raising a confident daughter. We ended the month looking forward to summer vacation while lounging by the beach.
June
We celebrated the life of Madeline's great grandfather. M and I took the train to New York, which had me nervous, but turned out fine. We ate breakfast on the porch and watched our garden grow. We celebrated father's day, and the last day of school. Madeline learned how to avoid bedtime by crying pooh-pooh. Wedding planning got serious with a trip to Vermont and an epic invitation-making marathon...complete with Dawson's Creek.
July
We rang in Madeline's second Fourth of July with a parade (which she slept through again), a messy red, white, and blue arts and crafts, and some sangria...for me, not her. We listened to Dada's concerts on the common with Mimi and Bob. We visited Montauk where we cruised around on Pop's boat. We enjoyed the fruits of our garden, and tasted some cupcakes in Vermont. Meanwhile, in the midst of all this madness, I decided to stencil ALL the walls of our office, and I roped Eric into hacking an old set of bookshelves into a dollhouse for Madeline. Best of all, at the end of the month I was surprised twice in the same weekend with a bachelorette party and bridal shower! Phew...July was bus-say!
August
In August we finished up with baby gymnastics, but more importantly, we got MARRIED!!! After the celebration, I shared some DIY projects...invitations, ribbon wands, pinwheels...oh my! After the wedding madness, we relaxed by baking zucchini muffins. Then I forever traumatized my daughter with her first haircut.
September
Back to reality! I bemoaned going back to work and missing out on such precious moments as Madeline singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. We celebrated Madeline's second birthday with visits by both grandparent sets. I even created a cheesy video montage... A few weeks later, we commemorated Ellis Jane's fourth birthday. Finally, we welcomed fall by apple picking...it's the American way!
October
In October Madeline welcomed us to the wonderful world of temper tantrums. We ran through some hay mazes, watched football, and Maddie Bear gave her poor Mumma a heart attack by eating a poisonous red berry from the front yard. We updated the bunny pictures, made some artwork for the office, and I carved Madeline's first jack-o-lantern for her since she was not at all interested in the pumpkins. We braved Hurricane Sandy, and put Madeline's homemade Halloween costume on hold for the second year in a row due to unnatural weather.
November
Madeline FINALLY got to go trick-or-treating for the first time. She was the cutest lawn gnome I've ever seen. We visited Connecticut with Eric's family where we had to fish a googly eye out of Maddie Bear's ear. We enjoyed some beautiful fall days by jumping in leaf piles before celebrating Thanksgiving with Mimi and Bob. And we enjoyed one more crisp day at the beach before the cold really set in.
December
I got my act together and finished M's advent calendar after two years of procrastination. We went to the premiere of Curious George where we got to meet the
And so, 2013?
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tis the Season TUBA Voting!
Remember this awesome, not at all nerdy, tuba-themed Christmas card I entered in The Paper Mama's Holiday Photo Challenge?!?!
Well, now the readers have a chance to vote on their favorite.
I sure would appreciate a click or two or three. Or...yeah.
Just follow THIS link to vote. Scroll down to find our photo, (#51) and click "Like" below the photo.
Thank you so much for your time! You are awesome.
Well, now the readers have a chance to vote on their favorite.
I sure would appreciate a click or two or three. Or...yeah.
Just follow THIS link to vote. Scroll down to find our photo, (#51) and click "Like" below the photo.
Thank you so much for your time! You are awesome.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
For What It's Worth...
I vaguely remember being taught once that postmodernism began in response to World War II, and to the Holocaust in particular. The challenge of creating any kind of fictional representations of life in the face of such real atrocities was unimaginable to some. What can be said about such horrors? How can one even attempt to create art to convey those emotions without somehow degrading those emotions?
I bring this random slice of literary theory up because in my own (very) small way, that's how I'm feeling tonight.
How can I even attempt to blog about the silly, unimportant trivialities of my life? What good are posts about my new dishwasher, or the fact that Madeline has a cold, or the dinner I made my family tonight, when so much unimaginable pain has been coursing through the country the past few days?
To pretend like nothing happened; to continue typing away as if everything was normal, is not right. But where does one even start trying to address the issue? What can possibly be said that hasn't already been said? How can I possibly put into words the feelings I'm having...that we're all having?
Throughout the weekend, packages have been arriving for Christmas. Every time I opened one of those packages, I thought of the presents, ordered many weeks ago, being delivered to the shattered families in Connecticut, and I just cried.
Or course, the overwhelming question is "Why?"
I'm not sure if I believe in God. The logical side of me says that it's impossible. Still, whether it's a man with a long, white beard, or simply some inner light we all carry around inside of us...I like the thought of there being a God. I want to believe it's possible. Yet, when events like this happen, it just seems to be further proof that there is nothing but the random wickedness of man. And that brings a whole different level of sad.
It does not make any sense. It will never make any sense.
As a teacher, I am amazed, but not surprised, by the heroic acts that took place within that school. Some segments of the public often like to paint teachers as lazy, unionized hacks. The truth is that most teachers are there because helping children is what they want to do most in life. Taking care of children is instinct to them. When those teachers were tested, they took care of their children.
As a parent, I'm horrified and shaken raw. In past national tragedies, I've watched with empathy, horror, and outrage, but nothing like the feelings going through me now. It's a nightmare brought to life. That could so easily be us.
I'm also extremely grateful to have been able to cuddle with my sweet daughter all weekend. This has been a great reminder of how blessed my life is as much as anything else.
Finally, although I usually avoid politics here, I hope we learn from this. I hope we realize that our right to feel our children are safer, to not have to turn their schools into prisons, is greater than any right to fill our cabinets with a collection of fancy weaponry. This is a basic human right. I also hope we learn to take responsibility for the mental disorders that torment so many of our citizens. Those personal torments ultimately affect us all. There needs to be help for the families who need it. Most of all, I hope we take a long look in a mirror over the upcoming weeks to discover exactly what our values as Americans are, and if we've somehow gotten off track. Why are we a culture of violence? How do we feed in to it? How do we prevent it?
Hug your loved ones. Hug them tight. Fill the world with light and love the best you can.
I bring this random slice of literary theory up because in my own (very) small way, that's how I'm feeling tonight.
How can I even attempt to blog about the silly, unimportant trivialities of my life? What good are posts about my new dishwasher, or the fact that Madeline has a cold, or the dinner I made my family tonight, when so much unimaginable pain has been coursing through the country the past few days?
To pretend like nothing happened; to continue typing away as if everything was normal, is not right. But where does one even start trying to address the issue? What can possibly be said that hasn't already been said? How can I possibly put into words the feelings I'm having...that we're all having?
Throughout the weekend, packages have been arriving for Christmas. Every time I opened one of those packages, I thought of the presents, ordered many weeks ago, being delivered to the shattered families in Connecticut, and I just cried.
Or course, the overwhelming question is "Why?"
I'm not sure if I believe in God. The logical side of me says that it's impossible. Still, whether it's a man with a long, white beard, or simply some inner light we all carry around inside of us...I like the thought of there being a God. I want to believe it's possible. Yet, when events like this happen, it just seems to be further proof that there is nothing but the random wickedness of man. And that brings a whole different level of sad.
It does not make any sense. It will never make any sense.
As a teacher, I am amazed, but not surprised, by the heroic acts that took place within that school. Some segments of the public often like to paint teachers as lazy, unionized hacks. The truth is that most teachers are there because helping children is what they want to do most in life. Taking care of children is instinct to them. When those teachers were tested, they took care of their children.
As a parent, I'm horrified and shaken raw. In past national tragedies, I've watched with empathy, horror, and outrage, but nothing like the feelings going through me now. It's a nightmare brought to life. That could so easily be us.
I'm also extremely grateful to have been able to cuddle with my sweet daughter all weekend. This has been a great reminder of how blessed my life is as much as anything else.
Finally, although I usually avoid politics here, I hope we learn from this. I hope we realize that our right to feel our children are safer, to not have to turn their schools into prisons, is greater than any right to fill our cabinets with a collection of fancy weaponry. This is a basic human right. I also hope we learn to take responsibility for the mental disorders that torment so many of our citizens. Those personal torments ultimately affect us all. There needs to be help for the families who need it. Most of all, I hope we take a long look in a mirror over the upcoming weeks to discover exactly what our values as Americans are, and if we've somehow gotten off track. Why are we a culture of violence? How do we feed in to it? How do we prevent it?
Hug your loved ones. Hug them tight. Fill the world with light and love the best you can.
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