One Month...Theoretically Speaking

My due date is one month from today.

Of course, I laugh in the face of due dates and fully expect this baby to say howdy-do anytime between tomorrow and the year 2014.

I had my first non stress test this afternoon. Just like last time, I'm having steady contractions already. The nurse came back in the room half-way through with her eyebrows raised. "Summer, are you feeling any of these contractions?" she asked. Nope. I have some light menstrual-like cramping, but that's about the extent of it.

On my way home, I listened to Christmas music. I usually wait until after Thanksgiving to indulge, but since the season to celebrate the Baby Jesus might be interrupted by our own holy child, I figured it's okay to cheat. The Little Drummer Boy came on twice. Bonus. Now I just need to convince Eric to let me get a tree this weekend...

I also need to finish setting up baby furniture, getting the house clean, and I have about 200 papers to grade. It's going to be a busy long weekend. Good thing there will be turkey and pie to get us through it.

Pregnancy Updates: 35 Weeks

How far along? 35

Total weight gain/loss: 25

Maternity Clothes:  My wardrobe is becoming seriously limited again as my girth steadily increases.  

Sleep: Yes, please?

Best Moments this Week: I had an ultrasound this morning!  Eric took the day off to tag along, which was awesome since he missed the earlier ones.  We got some clear views of little baby's face.  Cheeks for miles! I think she looks just like Madeline did in her last ultrasound picture, but Eric says all babies look the same.  She's breathing, rolling around, head down, and about 5 lbs.  Hooray for healthy babies!  

If you're curious to see what Madeline looked like, click HERE.  

Movement: She's getting snug in there, so the movements aren't as strong.  I can feel little elbows, fingers, and toes poking me though.   I can feel her bum pushing up against my ribs now and again as well.  

Food Cravings:  Not particularly, but I've been ravenous.  

Food Aversions: I laugh in the face of food aversions.  

Gender: She's still a girl!  We made sure to check at the ultrasound just in case...

Labor Signs: Major cramps every night around bedtime.  Braxton Hicks, I guess.  

Pregnancy Symptoms: I'm epically large.  Cartoonish even.  And I work with teenagers who don't let me forget it.  I've seen stars a few times over the past week too, but I checked in with the doctor, and he said it's normal.  All the blood is going to my belly instead of my brain...That explains so much.  

Belly Button In or Out? Out

What I Miss: Walking like a normal person.  

What I am Looking Forward to: The holidays!  It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Upcoming Appointments/ Events: Next week I'm starting up non stress tests twice a week, and a check-ins with the doctor once a week.  I've got more appointments than brain cells.  

Current Food Comparison? A honeydew melon!   

Meanwhile, I'm the size of...

For a comparison of what I looked like last time I was with child, click HERE! 

Don't Call Me Ma'am

I know in some parts of the world, this word is used as a sign of respect.  Maybe it's because I'm a curmudgeonly northerner who doesn't understand life below the Mason Dixon line, but "Ma'am" might be the most offensive word in the English language. And since when did people start tossing it in my very youthful direction?

A few years ago the word "Ma'am" was very rarely directed at me.  Then something shifted.  People started using it more, I stopped getting carded, and my students stopped assuming I knew what a Wiz Khalifa was.  Then it hit me. Holy hell, I'm middle aged!  

The past decade has flown by so quickly, that I sometimes still write 2008 on my checks.  Yes, that's right, I'm five years behind.  Yet, here I stand.  It really is 2013, I really do own a house which I share with a husband and, soon to be, two children!  My children.  When did I become somebody's mother?  I keep finding white hairs, the weight doesn't come off as easy as it used to, and I really do need to use the facial creams those bitchy twenty-somethings with flawless skin hawk in the commercials.  And yes, youngsters now address me as "ma'am."    

The problem is that I don't feel like a grownup.  Most of the time I don't know what the hell I'm doing.  I still need to call my mom for laundry advice.  I've never balanced a check book in my life.  I still find myself giggling, "That's what she said," in my head throughout episodes of Downton Abbey.

So I think what old people say about being young at heart is probably true.  Maybe nobody ever feels like a grownup.

All bag boys, drive-thru attendants, theater ushers, and children trying to sell me cookies, take note:  On the outside, I may be a thirty-two-year-old pregnant lady toting a toddler while wearing clogs and a coat from LL Bean.  Yet, do not let my ill-fitting jeans and Toyota Corolla fool you.  On the inside, I am still a fabulous twenty-five, and you should treat me the same way as you'd treat one of those young ladies sporting Uggs and a lack of legitimate pants.  

But yes, I would like to buy all the cookies, and I would like you to carry my groceries to the car, young man.

Maddie Bear Sings

Madeline makes up songs as she tries to fall asleep. Meanwhile, we giggle listening to her voice echoing through the baby monitor. Here are some highlights from two nights of listening:

Cockadoodle-doo is not a question.
I love you, is a question,
And I love you,
And I love you,
And the mother is not feeling well!

(Sung to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star")
I love you Wild Kratz.
Now that I love you Wild Kratz,
Now that we have a square.
Chod Chod Chod Chod Chod Chod Chod.

Sorry we're closed today.
Nick! Sally! In the house!
Quick in the house!

Boo!
Ahhhh!
Boo!
Ahhhh!
Boo!
Ahhhh!

I wish I had a friend!
And I don't have friends in my bed,
And I don't have talking friends in my bed.
And I don't need this pillow!
In the skyyyy!

They grow big on the big tree,
And they grow little on the little tree.
Blah, blah, blahblah, blahhhh


I'm not sure if she'll be he next Taylor Swift or a great modern poet.

Dear Maddie Bear: November, 2013

Dear Madeline,

Forgive me for being a little late with your letter this month.  I'd like to blame it on the postage service, but it's really because your poor mumma's brain has been misplaced.  I may have left it at the obgyn's office last week, or maybe on top of the photocopy machine at work.  You see, in my world, it's still the first week of November.  It's really the middle of the month though, which means this could be the last letter I write to you before you become a big sister.

 Maddie Bear, my darling, you have been so very, very three the past two weeks.  People have warned me for years that three is a tough age.  Those people were right.  You do not follow directions well.  You are stubborn.  You scowl and pout most of your waking hours.  You've stopped talking and have instead invented your own language consisting of various whining noises and grunts.

A big problem we've been dealing with is your adoration of the iPad.  We let you use it on occasion, but now every time you see it, you ask for it, which obviously leads to many tears.  When we do let you use it, you cry when your time is up.  You shed giant, sorrowful tears, and sob for Olaf...the only person bear in the world who can truly understand just how mean your parents are.  I guess this is parenting in the age of technology...

I'm not sure if this difficult phase has to do with all the big changes you sense happening around you, or if it's simply a three-year-old thing.  My guess it's a little of both.  Either way, you're seriously testing the patience of both your parents.  Normally I'd turn to wine in times like these, but I'm too busy incubating your baby sister to find any relief.

Luckily, you're also adorable and funny, so we don't stay angry with you for long.  I so enjoy listening to the things that come out of your mouth.  Conversations with you are the best.  I never know where they'll lead.  The other day we started talking about the baby and ended the conversation talking about how it's good to try square cookies but not green eggs and ham.  You sing all the time.  This afternoon you propped a book up on the top of your toy piano and sang the story at the top of your lungs while banging on the keys.  

You're starting to get excited for Christmas, but still don't seem too sold on the whole Santa idea.  We saw him at the mall, but you hid behind my leg and scowled when he waved at you.  We talked about him bringing us presents on Christmas Eve, but you seemed freaked out by the idea of a strange man in our house while we're sleeping.  We'll see how this year's visit to the jolly man in red goes.

This is the first year you can tell us what you want for Christmas.  You've made very few requests, which is nice.  However, you did ask for a toy version of Chili's restaurant for your princess Little People.  I don't think Santa makes that in his workshop.  Sorry, Maddie Bear.

We finally set up your big girl bed this afternoon, and as you can see from the photographs, you were thrilled!  You look so tiny in it!

I was a little apprehensive about letting you sleep there tonight.  We haven't received the rails yet, so I was worried you'd fall out.  For the time being, we removed the box spring to keep you low to the ground, and I surrounded the bed with giant pillows to break any falls.  I was also worried that you'd be so excited that you'd bounce around for hours.  Instead, it took you about ten minutes to fall asleep.  Maybe this big girl bed will solve our bedtime issues...but I'm not holding my breath.

I'm so very proud of you, Madeline.  Even with the attitude, temper tantrums, and strange noises you make, I'm still convinced that you're the smartest, sweetest, and best little girl on the planet.

Love you to the moon!

-Mumma Bear

Pregnancy Updates: 34 Weeks

How far along? 34

Total weight gain/loss: Don't know; don't care.

Maternity Clothes:  Ugh, yes.  I just want to wear normal, cute fall clothing instead of feeling like a sack of potatoes most days.  

Sleep: Flipping over is obviously a challenge, but I'm surprisingly well.  

Best Moments this Week: My employers posted an ad for my replacement while I'm on leave.  Things are getting real!  Also, Eric picked up Madeline from school a few times this week giving me a chance to nap.  It's nice to simply lie on the bed and focus all my attention on baby beans every now and again.  

Movement: I did some kick counts earlier in the week because I was worried.  It turns out she's still wiggling quite a bit in there, but unless I really stop and pay attention, I'm not feeling those kicks as much.  Everything feels different.  On the other hand, I was able to grab her foot the other night.  At least, I think it was a foot.  I suppose it could have been a knee or elbow too.  

Food Cravings:  Not really...what's wrong with me?! 

Food Aversions: No.  

Gender: Baby Sister

Labor Signs: I've been cramping up quite a bit each afternoon, and my belly is still getting tight.  Several people told me that I've "dropped" this week. 

Pregnancy Symptoms: Oh my God, I'm so FULL OF BABY!  I told Eric this week that I will be shocked...shocked...if we make it to my actual due date.  Everything just feels different...not sure how else to explain it.  (Watch, now I won't have this child until the middle of January because I opened my big mouth.)  

Belly Button In or Out? Out

What I Miss:   Everyday tasks like tying shoes or putting socks on Madeline are becoming so much more complicated.  I miss when I could sit on the floor with her without having to roll around like a turtle on its back to get back up.  

What I am Looking Forward to: Getting all our lose ends tied up so I can just sit back and enjoy the holiday season with my pj's on.

Upcoming Appointments/ Events: Doctor the middle of next week.  

Current Food Comparison? A cantaloupe!  She feels like a nice, firm cantaloupe in there.  

Meanwhile, I'm the size of...

For a comparison of what I looked like last time I was with child, click HERE.  Yes, I would say my belly looks a lot lower this time around...

Babies are Scary, Yo

The other night, the thought came upon me suddenly that,  "Holy hell, we are going to have a baby again!"

Eric looked at me as if I were daft while I started mildly hyperventilating.  Madeline continued to ask/whine for more juice.  This is what most of our family dinners look like.

Of course I've known for quite some time that we're having another baby, (hello, it lives in me) and I'm really, really excited about it.  But also?  I'm really, really scared.

Three years have passed since I last cared for a newborn.  Apparently that's just the right amount of time to want a new one, but not enough time to forget the sleepless nights, sore nipples, and buckets of irrational tears shed (mine, not the baby's).

Last time I was pregnant, I was blissfully unaware of these things.  I knew parenting would be hard in the same way I now know that cutting off my right arm with a kitchen knife would be hard.  Sure, I can imagine the pain, but can I really imagine the pain?  No.  Instead, my head was filled with pink-tinged hallucinations of lovingly gazing into my daughter's dimples while slowly rocking her into a peaceful sleep.

Of course, the reality is that babies are hard to take care of.  It seems like it should be easy since they are so small and unable to argue.  However, they are demanding, selfish, loud, completely irrational, and they gnaw on your body parts at 3 am when all you want is sleep.  Plus, their faces get squished and weird looking during delivery, so they aren't even that cute for at least a month.  Couple all this with the new mumma's broken tail bone, stitched up lady bits, and crazy hormones, and you've got one hot mess.  Too harsh?  I speak the truth.

The anticipation of all this drama, added to the fact that I now also have a small child to take care of at the same time, has me worried.

Will I actually be able to do this?  Or will I run shrieking mad into the streets of Massachusetts until someone mistakes me for a Kennedy and gives me a job?

On the other hand, with knowledge comes wisdom.  Maybe this time it won't be so hard.  Maybe this time I'll understand, and believe, that each difficult baby phase passes quickly until one day my squished baby really will be cute, really will smile, really will be able to recognize the difference between my face and a stuffed bear with a binky attached to it.

Maybe this time I won't care so much about schedules, time lines, and doing things "right."  Maybe I'll be a little easier on myself when breastfeeding doesn't come as smoothly as I'd like, or I cry more than I should, because now I know that formula isn't the end of the world and that crying doesn't mean I love my child any less.

Regardless, this baby is coming...soon.  Whether I am a shrieking mess of a woman, or a zen-like mommy guru, we'll get through it just fine, and our new little baby will be so loved.