I am also scared of asteroids, ghosts, zombies, roller coasters, most kinds of snakes, tall buildings that sway in the wind, home invasions, getting stuck in traffic on tall bridges, the dark, and opossums.
Basically, I should just stay home and hug my pillow in a well-lit room because I'm the kind of person Xanax was invented for. I'd call my doctor for a prescription, but I feel anxious talking to strangers over the phone.
Out of all these irrational anxieties, I think my fear of flying is probably the most intense. I know zombies aren't real for crying out loud. And there's no reason I'd ever have to go on a roller coaster. Last summer a tiny snake slithered by me in the front yard, but I simply ran away screaming. No big deal. But being trapped in a steel can several thousand feet above the earth? No thank you very much...
Yet, as much as I try to avoid flying, sometimes I just wanna go places. And over the holiday weekend, I found myself flying down to Florida with my parents and sisters to celebrate my grandmother's 85th birthday.
About three days before take off, the anxiety kicked in with an extra layer of fear. This time I wasn't just flying by myself...Madeline would be with me. What if she freaked out? What if I freaked out? What if we freaked out together as the plane lurched into the Atlantic Ocean? What the hell was I thinking of agreeing to this trip?!
Thankfully, my inner Lloyd Dobbler spoke. "Summer, you must chill. You must chill!" Here is how I coped:
Afraid of flying? There's an app for that! I downloaded the VALK Flight App onto my phone. There's a section that explains every stage of the flight process to help with any, "OHMYGOD, WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!" anxieties during take off. There are also relaxation techniques and statistics. The night before our flight I kept telling myself, "You're more likely to die falling out of bed tonight than on that airplane." It helped, but I now sleep closer to the middle of the bed.
Just in case my deep breathing exercises failed me, I had a sturdier backup plan: drugs. Valium is a wonderful thing. I started with half a pill, but twenty minutes into the flight, I had downed two. Two was enough to take the edge off. I was still nervous, but not panicked. I floated through the clouds in relative peace.
Thirdly, I looked for signs from a higher power. I know this step is completely irrational. But then again, so are my fears. This is all in my head, so if I can fool my consciousness into thinking everything is all right, I can stay calm. For example, I look for my lucky number every time I fly. As we taxied down the runway on departure, I noticed we were on runway six. On the way home, we sat in row six without meaning to. When I see that number popping up, I let myself believe that it's a thumbs up from the big man Himself. It helps me breath just a little bit easier.
Lastly, keep busy while in flight. Some people get scared only during take-off or landing. I remain tense the entire time, so it's best that I keep my brain occupied on something other than plunging from the heavens. This time I made nervous chit-chat with my poor mother who was trying to read or sleep. I also read Sweet Valley Confidential: The Sweet Life on my phone, which has passages like this:
"Jessica Wakefield, at thirty, was no longer invincible. She wasn't even Jessica Wakefield, the girl who with one word could change the entire class elections. The girl who could get any guy she wanted and anything else she wanted. But this wasn't high school anymore. This was the real world, and here it didn't matter if she'd been the captain of the cheer leading squad. How had she not noticed?"
It's gloriously terrible, and it was just enough to keep my worried brain occupied.
In the end, I made it to Florida and back without reenacting the scene from Bridesmaids, which is a real plus for everyone on that plane.
As for Madeline? She barely made a peep. She clasped my hand a bit tighter during take off, and then quickly turned her attention to a movie. She cried a little bit when we landed in Tampa, but only because she didn't want to sit anymore. It was nothing that couldn't be solved with a few pieces of candy. On the way home, she fell asleep about two minutes before we took off, and I had to wake her up after we landed. Clearly, she did not inherit her mother's fears. Thank goodness.
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| On sweet Mother Earth once more! |
Also, thank goodness this was a April Fool's Day joke. Are you people crazy? Glass Bottom Plane
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