He said I had grabbed it from the front door as I walked into the house this afternoon, but I had zero memory of doing such a thing. I stared at it blankly for a moment. I don't exactly have the best memory in the world, so I took Eric's word for it.
After all, what else could explain its presence in our house? Unless...
"Eric! What if there's a religious fanatic hiding somewhere in our house secretly leaving us pamphlets about the pending apocalypse?!?" I blurted out. And then, "Man, why do they always have to talk about Doomsday? I don't want to see that. Why can't they sneak in to leave us pamphlets about love and understanding?"
Eric didn't respond as he flipped curiously through the magazine. He grinned. "There's an article called 'What Can I Expect From Marriage?" he offered.
I sighed heavily and headed up the stairs, "In your case I think it's one long headache."
The possibility of there being a religious fanatic hiding in our house was pretty much forgotten, but while I gave Madeline her bath, I had Eric check the closets for any stray Jehovah's Witnesses just in case.
Fast forward about an hour. I sat down to my computer, ready to check my email, when a loud rumbling echoed through the house, shaking the desk in front of me.
Being the completely rational human being that I am, my first thought was: "Dear God, it's the Jehovah's Witness! He's running through the dining room!"
I leaped from my chair like a mother jungle cat on the prowl, ready to go Doomsday on that tie-wearing thug, but something was not right. The house was still shaking, but there was nobody there. I froze in the kitchen, watching the dishes in the sink clang against one another loudly until the rumbling lessened and then ceased.
Many thoughts went through my head at once. Was there an explosion in the neighborhood? Are the plows out? Is a giant sinkhole about to swallow us up? Wait, was that an earthquake?
I immediately called Eric, who had already left the house for a rehearsal. "Summer, it was probably just a train going by," he rationalized.
I tried to explain that this was a much bigger rumbling, and that I thought it was an earthquake. Since we live in Massachusetts where earthquakes are very uncommon, and since Eric didn't feel anything strange where he was, and since the last thing I asked him to do before leaving the house was to check for religious fanatics hiding in our closets, Eric didn't believe me.
Well, I was right. It was an earthquake. My parents called me two second later to ask if we had felt it too. Four point five, baby...out of Maine.
Which leaves me wondering: What if the pamphlet is right? The zombie apocalypse is nigh, folks. Watch for evidence during tonight's presidential debate. Take cover.
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