Babies are Scary, Yo

The other night, the thought came upon me suddenly that,  "Holy hell, we are going to have a baby again!"

Eric looked at me as if I were daft while I started mildly hyperventilating.  Madeline continued to ask/whine for more juice.  This is what most of our family dinners look like.

Of course I've known for quite some time that we're having another baby, (hello, it lives in me) and I'm really, really excited about it.  But also?  I'm really, really scared.

Three years have passed since I last cared for a newborn.  Apparently that's just the right amount of time to want a new one, but not enough time to forget the sleepless nights, sore nipples, and buckets of irrational tears shed (mine, not the baby's).

Last time I was pregnant, I was blissfully unaware of these things.  I knew parenting would be hard in the same way I now know that cutting off my right arm with a kitchen knife would be hard.  Sure, I can imagine the pain, but can I really imagine the pain?  No.  Instead, my head was filled with pink-tinged hallucinations of lovingly gazing into my daughter's dimples while slowly rocking her into a peaceful sleep.

Of course, the reality is that babies are hard to take care of.  It seems like it should be easy since they are so small and unable to argue.  However, they are demanding, selfish, loud, completely irrational, and they gnaw on your body parts at 3 am when all you want is sleep.  Plus, their faces get squished and weird looking during delivery, so they aren't even that cute for at least a month.  Couple all this with the new mumma's broken tail bone, stitched up lady bits, and crazy hormones, and you've got one hot mess.  Too harsh?  I speak the truth.

The anticipation of all this drama, added to the fact that I now also have a small child to take care of at the same time, has me worried.

Will I actually be able to do this?  Or will I run shrieking mad into the streets of Massachusetts until someone mistakes me for a Kennedy and gives me a job?

On the other hand, with knowledge comes wisdom.  Maybe this time it won't be so hard.  Maybe this time I'll understand, and believe, that each difficult baby phase passes quickly until one day my squished baby really will be cute, really will smile, really will be able to recognize the difference between my face and a stuffed bear with a binky attached to it.

Maybe this time I won't care so much about schedules, time lines, and doing things "right."  Maybe I'll be a little easier on myself when breastfeeding doesn't come as smoothly as I'd like, or I cry more than I should, because now I know that formula isn't the end of the world and that crying doesn't mean I love my child any less.

Regardless, this baby is coming...soon.  Whether I am a shrieking mess of a woman, or a zen-like mommy guru, we'll get through it just fine, and our new little baby will be so loved.