Vivi: Six Weeks

I'm really nervous making this declaration because I could be eating my words a week from now, but I don't think Vivienne has colic.  I think we're dealing soley with reflux.  Can I get an Amen?  

We're still having some rough patches...Monday night was the worst one yet...but her medication really seems to be helping.  She's been quite pleasant the rest of the week.  When she does cry, it's clear her tummy is bothering her.

Her fussy periods tend to alternate with days of calm, so we'll see.. In the meantime, I'm nervously holding my breath every night around 6 pm hoping she won't start crying.  

While her bad moods have tapered a bit, sleep still isn't great.  Last week, she was starting to sleep for long stretches, but she's gone back to nursing every two hours throughout the night.  Part of the problem is that she can't get comfortable on her back.  She writhes and grunts all night long.  We have her mattress tilted, but she sleeps best upright.  Still, I'll take it as long as she's not crying...

Thankfully, Eric the wonder daddy lets me get as much sleep as possible.  He'll bring her downstairs if she's really fussy to give me some peace between nursing. 

During the day, Vivi is staying awake longer.  She's been so, so smiley!  I love it!  She spends a lot of time studying our facial expressions and giving us wide, toothless grins in response.  She's just starting to vocalize beyond grunts and coos at us when she's happy.  

The front window of our living room gets a lot of sun in the afternoons.  We've found that it's a great place to get cozy with a baby on our chests.

Finally, I'm starting to get into a more comfortable groove as Vivi's Mumma.  I'm learning how to soothe her better, what her daily patterns are, and what she needs when she makes crazy faces at me.  

They say that baby fussiness usually peaks between 6-8 weeks.  I hope that is true for us!  If this is as bad as it gets, it ain't too bad at all.  

We love you, little Viv!

Here We Go Again

If there is such a thing as an "easy" baby, Madeline was not one of them.  This was partially due to our cluelessness as new parents, but poor Maddie Bear was also blessed with reflux issues and colic.  Thinking back to the first three months of Madeline's existance elicts the same respone in me as nails on a chalkboard.  I shudder at the memory of those late nights spent helplessesly watching my precious baby wail in pain.

A little over five weeks ago, Eric and I breathed a collective sigh of relief when Vivienne turned out to be a very calm, easy-going baby.  I nearly dropped over in shock when she began nursing so easily.  We watched in amazement as she slept through seven heel pricks.  We were astounded that she seemed to like tummy time.  We nervously placed her in her crib for the first time expecting wails. Instead, she nestled down and took a nap.  All of these experiences had been high drama with Madeline.  Maybe the universe was giving us a break this time around.  

We were wrong.

Vivienne is just as fussy and just as miserable as her big sister was.  It started around three weeks of age, and now at six weeks, has taken over our lives once more.  She cries whenever she is awake.  She won't let us put her down.  And worst of all, she seems to be in pain.

I brought her to the doctor this morning, and just as we expected, she has a classic case of reflux.  This time it seems to be silent reflux.  She doesn't spit up like Madeline did.  Instead, she swallows it all back down, which is why it took me a bit longer to realize what we were dealing with.

We started the baby Zantac this morning. (Not to be confused with Xanax.  That's for me.  Kidding...sort of.)  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it does the trick.

The doctor also pointed out that the timing of her fussiness sounds like colic. I'm guessing based on our experiences with Madeline that she probably is colicky. Still, I'm holding out hope that the meds will kick in, and Vivi will be able to reclaim her status as the chillest baby ever.

Going through this a second time is easier in a lot of ways.  I know, for example, that this phase will not last forever.  Madeline's colic left as suddenly as it came when she was three months old.  Since then, she's been the most charming and joyful of children.  I know Vivi will come out of this fine.  If we're lucky, this will blow over in March. 

Plus, so far, Vivi's fussiness occurs earlier in the day.  Yes, we're rocking a fussing baby for hours, but at least it's not lasting till 3 am as it did with Madeline. Please don't smite me, Internet Gods!  

On the other hand, I'm surprised to find that this isn't any easier a second time arond.  Hearing my baby cry and being able to do nothing about it drives me insane.  I am a total crazy person.  And it doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that it won't last, or that it's not my fault...when I'm waltzing my hysterical child arond the house for the third hour in a row, it doesn't feel that way.  I'm biologicaly programed to be bothered by her cries so that I don't leave her in the woods to be raised by wolves.  These feelings are not going away.  

Besides, I have another child to deal with this time around.  Basicaly, I don't have time for this ish.  

Maddie Bear seems perfectly happy with the extra cartoon time she's been allowed, but I'm feeling some major Mama guilt.  I'm trapped under Vivi for most of the afternoon, which is not much fun for big sister.

Here's hoping, for the sake of my sanity, Vivi's health, and Maddie's well-being that we make it to March as soon as scientifically possible!  

Vivi: 5 Weeks

Vivienne is five weeks old today!  She's still a bit of a grump, but doesn't seem as bad as last week. (I think...) She had a really tough day Wednesday.  She didn't sleep all day and began howling around 5 pm to 10:30 pm.  Today has also been a little rough, so we'll see...

It's hard to say what's bothering her.  She doesn't appear to have the reflux issues Madeline had.  However, her tummy rumbles loudly, and although she wants to nurse all the time, she screams at the breast when I offer it to her.  Any suggestions?  Poor girl.

She's also got a bad case of baby acne across her cheeks and neck.  

Her complexion is a lot darker than mine.  Madeline is just as fair skinned, so it's a bit disconcerting to look in the mirror while I'm holding Vivi.  She makes me look so pale.  Whose baby is this anyhow?  I swear she's still tinged yellow, but the last bilirubins test we did looked good.  

Vivi loves sleeping on me, and the longer she sleeps on me, the better mood we find her in.  Cuddling with her is really nice.  It would be nicer without a big sister to chase around.  I feel guilty being trapped under a sleeping baby while Maddie needs me too.  Sadly, Vivi is not a fan of baby carriers or her swing.  I'll keep trying though!  

She's starting to sleep better at night.  Once we get her down, she'll sleep for a five hour stretch.  After that, she goes back to nursing every two to three hours.  

We've stopped swaddling her at night unless she's fussy and flailing about.  She prefers to have her arms free.  

She also twists herself into bizzare contortions while sleeping.  Her favorite position resembles a backwards C.  She cocks her head back so far that it's almost upside down and arches her back.  It looks so uncomfortable, but she seems to really enjoy it.  

The past five weeks have flown by, and I'm hoping the next five weeks fly too.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but this newborn stage is so rough.  I just need to get to three months and things will get smoother.  In the grand scheme of things, three months is nothing.  Still, it seems like eternity when we're in the thick of it.  I need to remember that this is just a phase.  Enjoy it while you can, Summer!  

Parenting Currently

I think this sums up what my life is like these days:

Mickey Mouse is on TV for the second hour in a row.  Madeline has become bored with TV and is playing in the other room.  I can't reach the remote because I'm trapped under a snoozing Vivi.  And after the day we had yesterday, there is no way I'm moving an inch less I wake the sleeping beast...er, baby.  

I forgot how simultaneously boring and crazed life with an infant is.  Meanwhile, my three year old is left to her own devices...which explains why my living room looks like the princess store vomited all over it.  

Sisterly Love

Madeline waiting to meet her little sister for the first time.  She looks so nervous!  

When Madeline met Vivienne for the first time, she was not impressed.  She looked at her baby sister with a mixture of curiosity and fear for approximately five seconds before completely ignoring her existence.

In fact, she wouldn't even stand next to Vivienne, choosing instead to cast sideways glances from a safe distance.  Yet, she wasted no time in climbing into bed with me once the baby had been passed to her grandparents.  Perhaps she was marking her territory?

Eric and I were slightly alarmed by her reaction.  I had an overwhelming feeling of dread: What if we had just ruined Madeline's life by introducing a baby sister to the mix?  One day we'd say, "Madeline was on the path toward becoming a doctor until Vivienne arrived. Now she sells matches in the alley behind Walgreens!"

Thankfuly, Madeline's second visit with her baby sister was a lot more promising.  We had moved Vivi to the nursery before Maddie's arrival so that I was able to greet my firstborn with empty arms.  After some kisses and cuddles with Mumma, she helped Eric wheel Vivienne back to our room from the nursery.  She was much more interested in having a baby sister after that.  

She climbed right up in bed with Vivi and I.  She smiled softly at the baby's tiny face and cooed, "It's okay. It's okay," like a tiny Mumma.  From that moment on, she has been smitten.  

Madeline now gives Vivi so many kisses and cuddles that we have to remind her to let the poor girl breathe.

  "Can I see Vivi?" she asks eagerly before planting another kiss...or three...on her cheeks.  "Just one more kiss," she bargains with me after I tell her that Vivi has had enough.  

As for Vivienne, she wasn't interested in her big sister much at first either.  The most meaningful relationship she was forming was with my left breast.  However, as Vivienne becomes more aware of her surroundings, she seems drawn to Madeline as well.  She stares intensly at Maddie's face and looks around the room when she hears Maddie's voice.

I had a feeling Madeline would be a great big sister.  After all, she's an extremely sweet and sensitive little girl.  I'm pleased to find I was right.  And I can't wait to watch these two little girls grow together for years to come.

Vivi: Four Weeks

Well, we've made our way through the first four weeks with our heads above water...barely.

Vivienne has hit the fussy stage of infancy.  I love my daughter, but I really hate this stage.  Grow, baby!  Grow!  

If Vivi is awake, she is probably crying.  It's worse at night.  She starts screaming inconsolably around 7, and it ends several hours later.

She's only been this way during the past week, so it's hard to tell if this is just a phase or the new normal.  We're keeping our fingers crossed that this isn't the first signs of colic.  Poor Maddie Bear cried for the first three months of her life. Ugh.    

In other news, she's still eating like a champ, and her jaundice is gone.  

Vivienne is very strong.  She loves to hold her head up to look around, and sometimes it feels like she's trying to leap out of our laps.  She's doing great with tummy time and has tried (unsuccessfully) to bat at the toys on her play mat.   

Eric and I have decided that she seems to be a very determined baby.  If she wants something, she goes for it.  She's like a cuddly barracuda while nursing.

My favorite things about Vivi are that she smiles up at us all the time and that she stares at Madeline.  I think she loves her big sister already.  I can't wait until Vivi is a bit older to see how they interact with one another.  

We love you, Vivi Bear!  Be happy!  It's sad to see you cry.  

To see what Maddie Bear looked like at Four Weeks, click HERE!  

Dear Maddie Bear: January, 2014

Dear Madeline,

We are so proud of you, big sister!  Over the past three weeks, you've adjusted to life with Vivienne beautifully.  

Of course, there have been some small bumps in the road...You are three.  For example, you were more likely to meltdown in a puddle of tears when you didn't get your way the first week or so.  Yet, these bumps have been minor, and you've accepted Vivi into our family without any resentment or hurt feelings. 

Oh, how you love that baby sister of yours, Madeline.  Your heart is so big.  You want to give her so many kisses and hugs that we have to remind you to allow her some space.  

Meanwhile, I'm trying so hard to be a good Mumma for you, and I hope I'm not failing as miserably as it feels sometimes.  I knew things would change once Vivienne arrived, but I wasn't prepared for such a drastic shift.  Between the feedings, fussing, and lack of sleep, I fear that I don't have much to offer you.  

Besides, you're not the same girl that you were before Vivienne was born.  You were my baby, and suddenly, you're such a big girl.  Your hands seem huge in mine.  I'm not sure if you really have matured, or my perception of you has shifted.  It's probably a bit of both.  Even though we've been spending every day together, I miss you, my Maddie Bear.  I miss the way things were.  

You don't complain about the lack of attention, and you're happy to be a big sister. But sometimes your eyes seem a bit sadder, and I know your feelings get hurt when I can't drop everything to play with you.

I just hope you know how much I love you and how much time I spend thinking and worrying about you.  We'll fall into a good routine soon, and there will come a time where neither of us will be able to remember life without a little sister.  I'm thankful that you're being so patient with me as I figure out how to be a Mumma to two.  

I know having a baby sister who can't even play ball in the hallway yet isn't easy.  Thank you for being our awesome Maddie Bear. Vivienne is so lucky to have you.  Mumma and Dada are so lucky to have you.  

Love You to Pieces,

Mumma

Vivi: Three Weeks

Vivienne hit the three-week mark on Friday, but I'm just getting around to posting this now because kids, man.

Here's what we know about Vivienne:

• She smiles at me a lot.  
• She's starting to smile at Dada too.  
• She loves sitting up.
• She can lift her head up high.  
• She is not a fan of pacifiers.  
• She loves sleeping on our chests...especially Dada's.  
• She's becoming quite fussy when she's awake....uh-oh.    
• She's a light sleeper, which is a problem with a very active three-year-old in the house.  
• She's sleeping well at night for the most part.  We've only had two rough nights with her since she's been born.  
• She doesn't mind tummy time.
• She snores and makes little purring noises.  
• She's not sold on baths.  

Maddie Bear Says

"I'm so hungry I could even eat a lobster!"  

New Year, New Beginnings

I thought last year's New Year's Eve celebration from our couch was pretty pathetic, but it got worse.  This year, we weren't even conscious.  And sadly, our sorry state was not due to too much champagne.  Rather, it's a side effect of parenting.

I felt like garbage all night due to a clogged milk duct and the chills. (File under: Glamorous Breastfeeding Stories.)  Then, after swaddling Vivi for the night, Eric and I both passed out around 10:30.  She woke me to nurse a few minutes after midnight...so we missed the whole thing.  

In spite of our lack of enthusiasm, we're starting 2014 off with some big changes...hello, we just had a baby. I'm also taking a leave of absence from work for the remainder of the school year to stay home with my girls.  

We sent Madeline to daycare for the last time on Tuesday.  It was a bittersweet experience waving goodbye to everyone.  

She's been going to the same center since she was three months old, so more than once, I've worried about whether or not we're doing the best thing keeping her home.  She learns so much at school.  She has friends there.  

Yet, she claims that she's not sad to leave, and seems excited to be staying home with me and Vivi. I think she was feeling left out when we sent her to school last week while we stayed home.  Of course, settling into a new routine will take some time.  It's going to be a big period of adjustment for Maddie Bear.  

  

Meanwhile, I am thrilled to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids. This is probably the only span of time where I'll get to be a full-time mom, and I'm looking forward to it.

At the same time, I'm a little bit overwhelmed by the thought of juggling a Maddie Bear and an infant.  I have no idea what I'm doing.  Both girls demand a lot of attention, and I want to give them all the love and support they need to grow.  

I know ultimately it will work out fine, but in the meantime, I need to figure out how to get both girls safely in the car in busy parking lots.  Or what to do when Vivienne is crying in one room while Madeline is asking to go potty upstairs.  Managing a headstrong toddler and a needy baby will be an interesting challenge.  

Therefore, my goals for 2014 are all related to my new role as a stay at home mom to two children.

1) Get out of the house on a regular basis.  

It's intimidating bringing two girls out into the world on my own.  Plus, it's cold.  It seems easier to just stay home, but I know for the mental health of all parties involved, we need to get out as much as possible.

2) Keep Madeline Engaged

I've got some projects lined up for Madeline.  We'll also be hitting up every story time and indoor playground within a fifteen-mile radius.  It's going to be hard going from the fast-paced world of preschool to watching baby sister eat ten hours a day.  I've got to keep life interesting for her.  

3). Be as Patient as Possible 

With Madeline, with my new loaf of bread, with my husband, and with myself.  This is going to be hard sometimes...okay, probably a lot of the time...and I need to be okay with that.  I have to remind myself to go slow and to take a deep breath before I react.  And if we have a horrible day where I utterly fail at parenting, I need to take a deep breath with myself and start over fresh the next morning.  

So, here's to new adventures in 2014!  

Vivi: Two Weeks

Our littlest lady is a whopping two weeks old now, but again, I feel like she's been here for months.  

Here's what we've discovered about Vivienne:

• She's passed her birth weight!
• Her bilirubins are finally going down, but she still looks pretty yellow.  
• She often eats every hour leaving her Mumma couch bound.  
• Her hair is almost blonde in the front and sides, but is darker brown in the back.  
• She likes it when we let her stretch out on her back so she can observe the world.  
• She has several fussy periods during the day.  
• She is fascinated by her rattle.
• She makes champion grumpy faces.    
• She stares at us intensely.  
• She doesn't cry often...just grunts.  
• Her eyes are so dark blue that they almost look black.  
• She smiles at us!  (I swear it's more than gas.) 
• Madeline loves to hug and kiss her.