Mommy's Little Melon Head

It's week 35, and currently baby is the size of a...

Honeydew Melon!


A honeydew seems much more appropriate at this point than a cantaloupe!

Meanwhile, I'm currently the size of...

The Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria!

An Intimate Interview with My Baby Daddy

Even though this blog is entitled OUR Little Baby, and even though I have an About US section, you may have noticed that Eric's involvement in this blog is rather limited....ya know, other than the fact that he got me pregnant in the first place. (Hoo-ray Eric!) Every now and again I have him read a post to make sure I won't embarrass him too much in front of his family and friends, but that's about it.

For months, I've been trying to get him to write a post: Pregnancy from HIS point of view. He tells me that he's not creative enough for such things, but I know for a fact that he can do much more than sit around playing his trumpet. (He really does play the trumpet.) I've seen him read books, he watches the Discovery Channel... And nobody, and I mean NOBODY (except maybe my Mom) can finish a crossword puzzle faster than he can. In fact, it was his crossword puzzle abilities that first caught my eye in the first place. Once I saw how quickly he could own the Boston Globe puzzle, I was all "Be still, my beating heart!" So, surely, he could figure out how to write on our silly blog.

However, instead of making him write by himself, I've written the following questions for him to respond to.

Without further ado, I introduce the man behind the baby bump.....

Me: Hello Eric, and thank you for joining us here today. How does it feel to be featured on our blog?

Eric: Awesome - I'm your biggest fan. I've been reading every post repeatedly and dissecting them for hidden meaning and innuendo.

Me: We're now in the eighth month of pregnancy. How have you been holding up so far?

Eric: Good - the late night trips for ice cream have prepared me for the crazy things you'll have me doing after the baby is born.

Me: Will you miss me being pregnant? Why/why not?

Eric: I was thinking that I might miss your wild mood swings, but then I realized that you had those before you were pregnant and they'll probably stick around after the baby is born.

Me: On a scale of 1 to 10, ten being the worst, how much does it bother you when I walk around pantsless? Explain.

Eric: After the initial shock, I've gotten used to it. Now i expect to see a big belly coming around the corner followed by your pasty legs.

Me: You've been very involved in the process so far. For example, you've attended doctor's appointments and breast feeding classes. What have been your thoughts/feelings/observations about going to these things?

Eric: I was freaked out at first but the experience has been great in giving me some insight into what you're going through.

Me: I'll be going into labor in the not so distant future. How are you preparing for childbirth?

Eric: I'm thinking of the fastest way to the hospital - so you don't have the baby in the car.

Me: Are you going to chicken out and leave me when I start mooing like a cow? Cause if you do, I will cut you.

Eric: If you start mooing like a cow I will chicken out - I've been practicing my chicken noises.

Me: Will you cut the umbilical cord?

Eric: No way!!

Me: Will you hold the baby when they take her out of me, or will you be too freaked out?

Eric: Of course - I've been looking forward to that moment for the past eight months.

Me: What do you think we should name the baby?

Eric: Apple Starbucks -Free Stuff!!!!

Me: What part of fatherhood are you most looking forward to?

Eric: Watching little baby experience the world for the first time, and being able to get a new appreciation for the world with her as she learns about her new environment.

Me: What part of fatherhood are you least looking forward to?

Eric: Changing diapers - I need to talk to Tom Brady about how he got his son potty trained so fast.

Me: What is the important thing you hope to teach baby girl?

Eric: Hopefully I can teach her to have a passion for something in life. It doesn't matter to me if it sports, writing, acting, or music (but I secretly hope that its music).


Me: I saw a pair of metallic baby leggings the other day. Can I dress the baby up as Baby Gaga for Halloween?

Eric: No comment

Me: We joked the other night about you going as the guy from The Hangover for Halloween complete with Baby Bjorn. Will you please do it and bring the baby into bars to see how people react? Because that would be wicked funny.

Eric: Sure - I bet I'll get some free drinks (for me not for the baby).

Me: You will wear the Baby Bjorn sometimes though right?

Eric: How else am I going to take the baby kayaking?

Me: For serious though, do you think becoming a father has changed you at all? If so, in what ways? If not, ummm...do you think you've taken this whole thing seriously enough?

Eric: It has got me thinking about things I've never thought about before, like quality of a schools, not just the size of its band. Also I find myself carrying at least $20 in cash in my wallet and worrying if I have at least a 1/4 tank of gas (all things that my mom did and I thought was a total waste of time - sorry mom).

Me: What advice would you give to other men whose partners are pregnant?

Eric: Be there as much as possible. The experience has been a little nerve wracking but it has been totally worth it.

Me: Do you still love me even though I could currently star as Willy in Free Willy: Escape from Pirate's Cove?

Eric: Does that make me Bindi Irwin?

Me: Well, Eric, that's about all we have time for today. Thank you for being here with us today, and best of luck! I think you'll make a wonderful father.

34 Weeks

How far along? 34 weeks and 6 days

Total weight gain/loss: Going by my last checkup, 27 lbs.

Stretch marks? Yes, on my legs of all places! None on my belly though.

Sleep: I never knew rolling over in bed could be so difficult. I still find myself wide awake in the middle of the night a few times a week, but I nap a lot.

Best moment this week: Being able to see baby's face so clearly at the ultrasound.

Movement: A lot over the past few days. I can feel her little feet, and my whole stomach moves along with her.

Food cravings: Anything you put in front of me. Still eating a lot of ice cream.

Labor Signs: I think I'm starting to get Braxton Hicks contractions because my stomach will get rock hard and crampy every now and again. My body's putting on its game face!

Belly Button in or out? Waaaaayy out.

What I miss: Having wine with dinner now and again. Small price to pay though.

What I am looking forward to: Dressing baby in all the adorable clothing and shoes she's accumulated so far.

Weekly Wisdom: Every now and again you'll break down in tears over something like being able to snap the car seat into the stroller because OMG, how are you supposed to be able to take care of an infant?! Take deep breaths. Much stupider people have raised children successfully. You'll figure it out.

Milestones: Baby is head down and likely staying there since she's pretty snug!

Introducing Our Newest Family Member!

And no, it's not baby....

It's our new dog, Charlie Parker a.k.a. Bird. (Eric named him. Don't ask me. It's a jazz thing.)



Our fake dog Bird is adjusting well to life in his new home. He almost never whines, and he always stays when we tell him to. We're still working on roll over, but I think he's getting the hang of it.

He likes to sit in the Bumbo...
And to be rolled around the living room in the stroller...

And he's such a good dog that he doesn't even put up a fuss when I carry him around in the Baby Bjorn!

Dizzy's still not sure if he likes sharing his home with a dog, but Bird is trying really hard to make friends.

I'm sure soon Dizzy will be as happy as we are to have Bird as a member of our family!

New Pictures!

We had an ultrasound today....perhaps our last one? It was very cool. We could see baby's face really clearly on the screen. The pictures below don't even do it justice. We could almost see what she looks like. We also got to see her practice her breathing. Her little lungs were working furiously in preparation for the big event. She moved her little arms and hands around a lot while we were there too. AND, she's head down! Hoo-Ray!

She's such a smart, talented, well-behaved and beautiful baby!

She's all puckered up in this one. Eric thinks she's doing raspberries against the side of my stomach.
Face One

Face Two

Deja fruit?

It's Week 34 and Baby is the size of....

A Cantaloupe!!!



Hold the phone there Sargent! Wasn't baby a cantaloupe already? Like at 20 weeks?
That's it! My whole faith in the fruit to baby system has been blown. Who's ever heard of a 4 lb cantaloupe anyhow?

Meanwhile, I'm currently the size of a....

Vodka infused watermelon!

Parenting 101 with The Linsners

Once when Eric and I were reminiscing about fond childhood memories early on in our relationship, he told me about how he and his parents used to play Log. At first, I thought he was making it up, but when I met his parents for the first time, his mom started to talk about the game of Log as well. Apparently it was quite popular when Eric was a wee tot.

The object of the game is as follows:
Lie as silently as possible without moving to pretend you are a log. The person who stays like this the longest wins!

I imagine it sounding something like this:
Little Eric: Dad, dad, let's play a game!
Eric's Dad Eric: Sure son! Let's play Log!
Little Eric: Log?! Oh Boy! I love Log!
Eric's Dad Eric: Ready? On you mark? Get set? Go!
Little Eric: ........................................................................(I'm winning! I'm winning)....................................................................
Eric's Dad Eric:....................(Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz)


The fact that little Eric once fell for this is quite endearing to me. I can picture him lying like a log on the floor for hours staring at the ceiling. Meanwhile, his dad was giving him quite a challenge as he played log on the couch comfortably and without interruption.

I just know that one day I'm going to come home to find baby girl lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling like a log while Eric sleeps on the couch. I guess I can't really argue with tradition.

It also reminds me of this little gem from Ren and Stimpy, which I never really liked because it made me feel weird and gross inside, but I do remember the log song.

Week 33

It's week 33 and baby is chilling out, maxing, and relaxing all cool.

We had another doctor's appointment this week since we're starting to go more frequently again. She discussed labor options with us which was a huge reality check. While our due date is still seven weeks away, they tell you to start looking for labor signs at 37 weeks when baby is considered full term...that's only three weeks away! I've started making a list of things we still need to take care of before she's here. It won't be too long now!

The doctor said she thinks baby is head down again. That's good because she's starting to get very cramped in there, and pretty soon she'll be stuck in whatever direction she's facing.

The doctor told us this funny story about how she ended up doing a C-section on a woman whose baby was breech, but they didn't know that the baby was breech at the time. She said she reached in only to find no head to grab on to. The first thought that went through her mind was, "Oh my God, the baby has no head! It's one of those babies who has no head! How am I going to tell the parents that their baby has no head?!" Then she very quickly realized that they had done ultrasounds, and of course, if there hadn't been a head, they would have noticed. I'm not sure if that story was meant to give me confidence in the medical community...but it was interesting none the less.

Baby's movements are strong and different from what they used to be. I don't feel as many kicks now, but I will feel a huge baby body lump digging into my ribs, or into my side, or even into my back. It's strange because I won't feel her move around in my belly; she'll just all of a sudden be there. It's like she's teleporting from one corner of my uterus to the other. Bam! Baby lump in my ribs! Bam! Baby lump in my left side! Bam! Baby lump in my lower abdomen! It's hard to explain. When she does kick, the kicks are much stronger, and I can feel little feet poking through my skin.

Also, the summer is winding down, and school will be starting soon. Eric helped me set up my new room this week since moving boxes myself was clearly out of the question. I think going back to work is going to be a major shock to my system. I've been lucky to have these last few months off. Hopefully I'll make it to October 1...

When People Stop Being Polite and Start Being...Pregnant

(Caution: The following discusses throwing up in your mouth, gigantic bras, and other bodily functions. TMI. Read at your own risk.)

The other day I was lying on the bed staring out the window blankly when Eric suddenly laughed at me and asked, "Are you alright? You look like a big, dead whale!"
At first I glared at him menacingly, "You shouldn't call the mother of your child a big, dead whale!"
"But you do. The only thing that's missing is the drool coming from the corner of your mouth," he protested.

Lucky for Eric, I was in a forgiving mood and I started laughing too. I'm pretty sure he was right; I did, in fact, look like a big, dead whale as I lay sprawled on the bed with my mouth hanging open and my belly hanging out. From there, our conversation went into an analysis of my bed drooling habit which I hadn't been aware that he'd been aware of. He also let me know that I've recently started snoring...very loudly!

Until this point in our relationship, Eric and I have managed to keep things very...polite. We don't make fart jokes; and if one of us should accidentally let one slip, we politely pretend not to have heard it. It's like a Jane Austen novel really.

His dirty underwear always goes straight into his hamper, and since we do our own laundry, I never see it. While my dirty underwear rarely makes it straight to the hamper without a pit stop on the bedroom floor first, I at least tuck it under the piles of other dirty clothes so that it's not just lying out in the open. See, Ms. Austen? Very polite indeed.

But ahhh, the joy and intimacy that pregnancy brings! The regime of flatulence denial has started to crumble bit by bit as our little baby wreaks havoc on my body. In it's place is a newer, freer, and much grosser world.

For Example, a few months ago I announced, "Eww, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit."

Eric was absolutely horrified. He had never heard of such a thing happening.

"No," I tried to explain, "It's not like I have a pile of vomit in my mouth. But you know, just out of nowhere you taste throw-up for a second and then it goes away? Like just a little piece? It's normal! That's never happened to you!?"

He continued to be horrified, "No! And that is definitely not normal."

I was so determined to let him see that it was common that every time it happened over the next few weeks (which is a lot more often than you'd think when you're pregnant) I made it known to him. "I just threw up in my mouth a little bit again! See, it's normal! It happens all the time!"

"Did you ever consider?" he asked, "That you're the only one this happens to. Maybe you should get that checked out."

To test his hypothesis, I asked a trusted friend if she ever threw up a little bit in her mouth. She knew exactly what I was talking about. I was both relieved and vindicated when I told Eric that he was the abnormal one.

A week or so after that, Eric and I were sitting watching TV when he announced proudly, "Oh, I forgot to tell you! I threw up in my mouth a little bit at rehearsal yesterday!"

"Really!? Hoo-ray!"

By my reaction, you'd have thought he just came home to tell me he won the school spelling bee. I was THAT happy.

Then, there's the fact that I walk around the house pantsless on a very regular basis now. (Don't judge me; it's hot!) It's so hard to be comfortable when you're pregnant that I just don't care if he sees my cellulite and granny panties sitting at the breakfast table anymore. At first, Eric was very confused as to what I had done with my pants. Now, he just looks at me, shakes his head, and laughs to himself.

(NOT what I look like pantsless, P.S.)

Along the same lines, it's become a kind of game to find my gigantic bra lying around the house. I have ONE bra that fits me because apparently my B cup has decided to moonlight as a D cup. (What do women who start at D cups do when they're pregnant???) But, just because it's the one bra that fits me doesn't mean it's comfortable. Off with its head! as soon as I enter the house. Later Eric finds it let's say next to the computer, or in the kitchen, or on the couch, or in the cat's bed. Yesterday he slingshot it at me after finding it under the pillow he was trying to use for a nap.

And I wouldn't be honest if I didn't include the two big doozies; the mother load of TMI with my significant other.

Not too long ago I had to send him to CVS to buy me diarrhea medicine. This was after two days of pure hell. There was no way I could keep that hidden from him.

Then there was the time I came out of the bathroom looking like I had just seen the bloody head of Lady Gaga appear in the mirror. I explained to him that I needed to Google the word hemorrhoids. Immediately.

Yes, pregnancy can indeed be gross and uncomfortable, but who better to share it all with than the one you love?

I like to think that he loves me in spite of all this and hasn't started shopping for a girl who at least wears sexy underwear while going pantsless and who never throws up a little bit in her mouth. (I'm looking at you Gisele.)

Besides, in just two short months he'll see me grosser than I've ever been. Then, we'll have an adorably lovable baby who will probably do grosser things than the two of us combined.

The three of us will live happily ever after in our flatulence-friendly world! Oh how happy we shall be.

I'm Sorry Baby

Sometimes when I consider that baby will be sharing our genetics, I feel badly for her. Because honestly...look at this ridiculousness.




So, what do you think? Will baby look more like her father, or more like her mother?

I Can't Wait To...

Bring baby to Montauk!



I've mentioned before that Eric and I are quite spoiled with our summer vacation getaways. This past week the fun continued with a trip to visit Eric's parents in Montauk.

We had a wonderful time visiting and relaxing. We ate good food, sat on the deck, went to the beach, and saw the sights. The best part of the weekend? It wasn't hot!! I had forgotten how nice it was to not be hot all the time, and I think Eric would agree that I'm a much better human when I'm nice and cool.

Next year it will be so much fun to bring baby to the beach. Eric's parents brought us to a really great beach where there are no waves and it's not too far from the house. It'll be perfect for baby!



(See, don't I look relaxed?)

Fruit Salad

It's Week 33, and baby is currently the size of a...

Pineapple!


Or a...
Honeydew Mellon!


Meanwhile, I'm the size of a celebratory fruit basket!

We Shall Call Her "The Mexican Yam"

It's week 32, and baby is currently the size of a...

Jicama!!



A say what now??

Apparently my knowledge of vegetables is limited to the mundane like cucumbers and string beans because I'd never heard of a Jicama before today.

After Googling it, I now know the following:
Also known as the Mexican Yam or the Chinese Turnip
"Homely" and "Odd" looking. (Excuse me? Baby is certainly NOT homely or odd looking.)
Tastes like an apple, a pear, or a sweet potato (Baby sweet poh-tate-ohhh)

Meanwhile, you may call me...

The Big Enchilada!

Week 31 (How I Learned to Give Birth)

We had our birthing class yesterday. I can no longer say, "I don't know nothin bout birthin babies, Miss Scarlet." Cause I do. Almost eight hours learning about the miracle of birth. I'm hoping my actual labor will be shorter.

During the class, the mothers mostly watched with calm interest, knowing that their fate is inevitable, and one way or another, they have to do this. The dads, on the other hand, looked increasingly alarmed as the day went on. (Honey, do I really have to do this?) Poor dads.

Not that I blame them because basically giving birth is an UGLY process. You always hear people talking about the beautiful experience of labor, which is BS, because other than the end result of holding your child, there's nothing beautiful about it. Incredible? Yes. Awe-inspiring? Sure. Beautiful? Nah. It's especially NOT beautiful for people who are forced to watch it and do not have lady parts...like the dads. Ugly, very, very ugly.

Which is why I'm amazed that anyone willingly volunteers to have their labor video taped and shown over and over and over again to classes full of strangers. There they were, the Lady Gaga's of the labor world, bare bottomed and bare chested, up on their hands and knees showing us what giving birth was all about. They must have exhibitionist tendencies because I don't want anyone but God and the medical community to have to see me that way.

I kept thinking Eric was falling asleep during the videos, but then I realized he was just lowering his eyes from the screen anytime someone started mooing like a moose or asking for the mirror to watch the head come out. We've agreed that it's probably best for both of us if he stays up by my head and focuses on something non-threatening like my forehead.

Of course, after watching these videos, our instructor pulled out the epidural equipment and explained that if we choose to use drugs our labor won't look anything like the ladies' in the videos. Instead, it will be pretty uneventful because you won't feel any of it. Hmmm...decisions, decisions.

Honestly though, my current birth plan is to wing it. I don't see the point of writing up a formal plan, which apparently you're supposed to do these days. Who knows what I'm going to want until I'm there? If things are progressing quickly, and I'm coping with the pain alright, then why bother with all the IVs and stuff? But if I get in there and am absolutely miserable for hours and hours, then I see nothing wrong with a good old fashioned epidural either. It all depends on what's best for me and baby on that day.

The rest of the class was spent learning relaxation and breathing techniques. Totally awesome! I don't know why they don't teach you these things as part of your teacher's training, because I feel that it could come in handy in a lot of different situations besides labor.

We also took a tour of the birthing center which was emotional for Eric and I since it's the first time we've been back since Ellis was born there. It's kind of weird going to a place where we had such a terrible experience knowing that the next time we go there we'll have such a wonderful experience. I'm glad we did it now though so I won't be so shocked by it when we're back in October. It was more emotional than I expected it to be.

When we lost Ellis, our families and friends donated money to the hospital to buy new Ipod players for the delivery rooms. We saw them there, which was really cool.

I'm going to have to start working on my baby-birthing playlist. I'm thinking Salt n' Pepper's "Push it Real Good," or Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire." Every time the instructor said the words, "ring of fire" (which refers to the baby crowning) I started humming the song in my head...apparently I have the maturity level of a sixth grader.

...Would Smell as Sweet.

Way back at fourteen weeks, I posted a blog listing potential names. Well, here we are several months later; we now know she's a girl baby, we now only have two more months to decide, and we still don't have a name.

Actually, that's not quite true. We do have a name....we have three of them. We just can't decide which name to use.

First potential candidate:

Harper Louise 

Why I Love It: The name Harper is pretty, whimsical, and feminine without being overly girlie. It makes me think of a mischievous little girl and a cool, artsy teenager. I like that it has ties to both literature (Harper Lee) and music (Ya know, someone who plays a harp) in honor of both of her parents' general nerdiness. Everyone I've mentioned it to seems to love it. I also was originally drawn to it because it sounds unique without being strange.

Why I Hesitate: Harper is not as unique as I once thought it was. I've been hearing it EVERYWHERE lately. US magazine even ran a story on the name because Tiffany Amber Thiessen and five other celebrities have recently named their daughters Harper. I read a post on a naming website about how one woman's preschooler was one of three Harpers in her class. We were at an Italian restaurant a few weeks ago and one of the little girls at the table sitting next to us was named Harper. One of the baby blogs I like to read is about a girl named Harper...appropriately titled "Harper's Happenings". So, I think Harper is on the verge of a name explosion, which is okay, but it kinda takes the edge off of it for me.

Second Potential Candidate:

Madeline Lee 

Why I Love It: The name Madeline is just plain adorable, and we could call her Madie for short. I feel like it's more feminine than our other choices and it makes me think of a sweet, shy, girly-girl. This is also Eric's favorite name. He'd be okay with Harper, but Madeline is really the one he likes. I realize Madeline is a very popular name right now, but unlike Harper, I'm going into the name perfectly aware that it's not at all unique.

Why I Hesitate: The pronunciation issue. We would pronounce it mad-duh-LINE not mad-duh-LYN. I feel that if you want it pronounced LYN then you should use the spelling Madelyn or Madeleine. After all you don't stand in LYN to get your Starbucks chocolate chip frappuccino, you don't go LYN dancing (Although I don't go line dancing either), and you don't got to North Caro-LYN-a. Unfortunately, that's not the way the world works, and there's a whole population of people who prefer the spelling Madeline but insist on pronouncing it Madelyn. Doesn't anyone remember the rule of silent "e" anymore?? I'm not really worried about it driving baby crazy. I assume correcting people's pronunciation would become like listening to bad season jokes is to me. (Where's your sister Winter? Have a great summer, Summer.) After so many times hearing it, it's not a big deal anymore. But as for her mother who specifically and painstakingly picked out her name...it might bug me a bit...or a lot:)

The Runt of The Litter:

Ellary Rose 

Why I Love It: Up until a week ago, I had never heard the name Ellery/Ellary before. Then my mom saw some organic farmer on TV with the name and mentioned it to me. I prefer the spelling Ellary because then she could be an Ella for short. Ellary is unique and it sounds good to say. I feel like it's feminine but with a hippie-ish twist.

Why I Hesitate: Eric is not sold...at all. Also, immediately after I mentioned it to him he said, "People will call her Smellery Ellary." He may have a point, but I'm not quite giving up yet, because other than that, I have no problems with it.


Ta-Da. Our three potential candidates. I guess the moral to the story is that we're kick-ass name pickers and have too many awesome options. Eric says we have to wait to meet her, but I don't think she's going to come out and say, "Hello, my name's Judy! Howdy-do!" Still, it looks like we'll end up waiting anyhow because I can't make up my ever-loving mind.

Baby's Armoire

I decided to take a risk and decoupage baby's armoire yesterday. It turned out well, so I'm glad I did it. There were a few hours where I could see all the glue streaks, and I was really worried that I'd made a terrible mistake. Luckily, as the glue dried, the streaks faded, and now it looks much better!

Since we can't paint our white and brick-colored apartment, I'm trying to add in color wherever I can. The armoire was quite plain before. Now, it's a little more interesting.




The armoire is from Ikea. I changed the plain white doorknobs with a set of light blue ones I had purchased at Antrhopologie a few years ago but never used. I love the doorknobs because they match our blue crib perfectly.

I cut the tree branches, leaves and birds out of colorful card stock I had left over from making my butterfly mobile. On the opposite wall, we have a tree decal that we put up when we were getting Ellis' room ready two years ago.



I looked at the decal while cutting out the tree branches and leaves so that they'd be similar in design. I basically would cut one piece, tape it to the dresser, see if it looked okay and then add another piece. I made some pink flowerers too, but they didn't look good to me so they were ditched.

The two little birds are a pattern from Martha Stewart's website. (I love you Martha, you crazy jail bird, you.)



There you have it! Now baby has a cute little armoire to keep all her clothes in. As you can see, I've started filling it with clothes already!

From Grumptastic to Craftastic!

A few years ago in my old apartment, I found this table up for grabs in the hallway:



But, with the power of modge podge and a can of spray paint, yesterday I transformed the table to this:


Totally cute and worth the $7 I spent in supplies. Hoo-ray!

Now, the question is...

Do I dare transform this:

To this???



Or, do I quit while I'm ahead? Ruining a little table I found in a hallway is one thing, but ruining baby's new armoire is quite another. Hmmm....thoughts?

P.S. Thanks to Eric for spray painting the table so I didn't asphyxiate the little baby. :)

Contemplating my Navel(s)

It's Week 31, and baby is currently the size of...

Four Navel Oranges!



Meanwhile, I'm the size of...

A bountiful fruit basket!

So Long, Sweet Slumber...

So long, Sleep. I've really enjoyed knowing you. I'll miss our afternoon naps together. I'll miss the eight hours a night I've spent lovingly in your arms. I just want you to know that the ending of our relationship has nothing to do with you. It's me. I have some things I need to take care of before I can commit myself to you...like growing a human. Maybe in twenty or so years we can meet up again after a few glasses of wine, but until then, just know that I'll never forget you.

Recently I've been hit with some serious bouts of insomnia. I think my massive belly and deathly heartburn might have something to do with it. Not to mention the hellish heat we've been having this summer, and the random parties I've been hearing out on the river lately. (I feel that I should be concerned by this.)

I was wondering why pregnant women have such a difficult time sleeping when it's also so necessary for us to get sleep. You think evolution would have taken care of that somewhere along the line. Then, I realized that this is just my body's cruel way of preparing me for parenthood.

In two months (OMG two months?!?) I'll have a pooping, crying, hungry infant to attend to every night. Then, there will be nightmares and fevers and feet in my face as she grows up. Then, she'll have her driver's license...ugh. Then, she'll be in college doing God knows what...double ugh. Maybe, just maybe, when she's grown into a responsible young adult with a job and a cat of her own I'll finally get some sleep. So, really, my love affair with sleep is over for a long, long while.

Now that it's 6 (I've been up since 3) I'm going to try to fall back asleep on the couch until the sweet sounds of the Regis and Kelly theme song, or Eric playing Farmville, (whichever comes first) wake me up at a more reasonable hour.


(I'm the cat. I'm going to sleep on your feet all night and bite at your toes when you try to roll over. Then, I'm going to chase bugs loudly across your bedroom floor. Then, I'm going to meow in your face to let you know I'm there. Then, when you're finally good and awake, I'm going to crawl under the couch where you can't bother me and sleep for the day. I'm a total jerk. Pet me.)