So Long, Sweet Slumber...

So long, Sleep. I've really enjoyed knowing you. I'll miss our afternoon naps together. I'll miss the eight hours a night I've spent lovingly in your arms. I just want you to know that the ending of our relationship has nothing to do with you. It's me. I have some things I need to take care of before I can commit myself to you...like growing a human. Maybe in twenty or so years we can meet up again after a few glasses of wine, but until then, just know that I'll never forget you.

Recently I've been hit with some serious bouts of insomnia. I think my massive belly and deathly heartburn might have something to do with it. Not to mention the hellish heat we've been having this summer, and the random parties I've been hearing out on the river lately. (I feel that I should be concerned by this.)

I was wondering why pregnant women have such a difficult time sleeping when it's also so necessary for us to get sleep. You think evolution would have taken care of that somewhere along the line. Then, I realized that this is just my body's cruel way of preparing me for parenthood.

In two months (OMG two months?!?) I'll have a pooping, crying, hungry infant to attend to every night. Then, there will be nightmares and fevers and feet in my face as she grows up. Then, she'll have her driver's license...ugh. Then, she'll be in college doing God knows what...double ugh. Maybe, just maybe, when she's grown into a responsible young adult with a job and a cat of her own I'll finally get some sleep. So, really, my love affair with sleep is over for a long, long while.

Now that it's 6 (I've been up since 3) I'm going to try to fall back asleep on the couch until the sweet sounds of the Regis and Kelly theme song, or Eric playing Farmville, (whichever comes first) wake me up at a more reasonable hour.


(I'm the cat. I'm going to sleep on your feet all night and bite at your toes when you try to roll over. Then, I'm going to chase bugs loudly across your bedroom floor. Then, I'm going to meow in your face to let you know I'm there. Then, when you're finally good and awake, I'm going to crawl under the couch where you can't bother me and sleep for the day. I'm a total jerk. Pet me.)