Diary of a Bad Parent: Teaching My One-Year-Old Daughter to Swear

Yesterday afternoon I was unloading groceries when I realized that I had accidentally bought decaf coffee instead of regular.

"Dammit!"  I exclaimed, "I got the wrong coffee!  Look how little the 'decaf' is!!!"

I turned to Eric to show him the injustice of the very tiny lettering on the very large box.  The look of shock and amusement on his face that instantly let me know he was thinking about something other than coffee.  

"Did you hear what she just said??" he asked pointedly as he cradled Madeline in his arms.

His tone made my stomach sink slightly.  "No....What?"

"She just said dammit."  He looked at me with his best school-teacher glare of disapproval and grinned.

"She did no..."I began to protest when I heard it too...

The world's cutest and tiniest "Dammit!" coming from my baby girl's sweet mouth.

Eric began to laugh.  I groaned.  Madeline remained blissfully unaware of her, and her Mumma's, crime as she busied herself with playing with the buttons on Eric's collar.

At dinner later that night, I began to rant about something that had happened at work.  There was no swearing involved this time, but when Madeline heard my exasperated tone of voice, there it was again:

"Dammit!" she cooed between bites of corn.

Eric began laughing, Madeline smiled a wicked smile of delight and said it again....thrice.  "Dammit. Dammit. Dammit!" She announced proudly.

I told Eric to stop egging her on with his laughter and made a promise aloud to not swear in front of the baby anymore.

A baby-sized "Dammit!" continued to echo around the house yesterday evening as she played with her toys.  I groaned inwardly every time I thought of the reaction she'd get at daycare the next day if this continued.

Luckily, she seems to have forgotten the word for now, and I didn't get any accusatory looks when I picked her up from school today.

I'm also thankful that she didn't pick up on anything worse.  If she had to repeat one of my less savory expressions, "Dammit!" is probably the least of my offenses.

Guess Mumma's going to have to start censoring herself more.  Ooops.