Mr. Mom

Yesterday, I left Madeline alone with her father for an entire day.  While it was relaxing to get away for a few hours, I missed my little pumpkin very much, and spent the entire drive home thinking about her.

I imagined the scene when I returned home to be one out of a sitcom or that commercial where the naked baby's butt is on the kitchen counter.  I pictured dirty dishes, a screaming baby wrapped in a trash-bag diaper, a poop-covered daddy, and a cat dangling from the ceiling.  Secretly, in the dark part of my heart, I hoped this is what I would find.

Then, I would say, "HA! You see? You see how hard this is day after day when you're gone?!"  And Eric would say, "I appreciate you sooooooo much!"  I would take the baby from her daddy, and she would go quiet the moment I held her in my arms.  Then, I would detach the cat from the ceiling, load the dishwasher, and finally wipe the poop off of my exhausted boyfriend's face. Super-momma would return and make everything better.

Of course, this wasn't what happened.  Pretty much the exact opposite happened.  I walked in the door to find a sleeping baby, a clean house, a chicken-pot pie baking in the oven, and a daddy lounging on the couch watching TV.  He even vacuumed and cleaned the bedroom.  He said he even had time for a nap.

When Madeline heard my voice, she woke up and started crying.  I picked her up and she started crying more.  She wanted food. (NOW, please Momma.)  It seems the only reason she missed me was because I'm her human milk machine.

It's hard to admit, but Eric is a much better stay-at-home mom than I am.  I barely have time to get myself dressed during the day, and he had a god-damn chicken pot pie in the oven!!  (Of course it was the frozen kind...it's not like he made it from scratch or anything.)  When I saw all this, I wanted to tell him I was proud of his daddying skills, and then I wanted to punch him in the nose for making me look bad.

Remember when this guy swore he'd never wear one of these?

Although I think one of the reasons he had time to get things done is because he's much better at ignoring a crying baby than I am.  Each time I called to check in, she was crying in the background.  At one point, he kinda implied that he had put her in her crib and let her cry while he did some housework.   When I called him on that, he denied it, but I going to believe that's what happened.  It makes me feel better.