Signs You are Too Old for Twilight

1.  You almost throw your back out trying to reach the drive through ATM.

2.  When you meet up with your best friend at the movie theater, you complain about how you slept funny the night before and now have a stiff hip.

3. You run into a person you grew up with.  He asks you what's new.  You answer, "I have a baby, and I got married!"

4.  A former student works at the movie theater.  You can't remember his name even though he was a student from last year.  However, you do remember that his grandmother's name is Nancy and that she is a lovely woman.

5. You close your eyes during the scary parts of the previews.

6. Carlisle will always be Mike Dexter.

7. When Bella makes a comment to Edward about how rigorous their sex life is going to be for the rest of eternity since they are both now vampires who never need to rest, you inwardly groan and think, "God, ick.  That sounds awful...."

8.  The vampire who lives in their attic reminds you of Kurt Cobain.  

9. When the movie's over, you debate sneaking in to see...wait for it...Anna Karenina.

10. You choose to take the back roads home instead of the highway because 495 is just too crazy on a Saturday night.  (P.S. It's 7:30)

11. You jam out to Live's "All Over You" on the long drive home.  You no longer remember the lyrics.

12. You debate taking advantage of some rare along time with a visit to Joann's Fabric, but getting there seems like too much effort.

13.  You decide to get a burrito to go instead.

14. Next up on the radio?  "Basket Case."  This is your lucky night.

15.  As you pull in the driveway, you remember that there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight and debate convincing the hubby to stay up to watch it.  However, you remember that it's your turn to wake up with the baby tomorrow morning.  Instead, you pour yourself a glass of Fat Bastard wine left over from the night before and eat your burrito in front of the computer screen.


And that, my friends, is how you keep it real.