Hot Momma!

A lot of my favorite baby blogs feature pictures of moms sporting the latest fashion trends.  These new mothers are hip, cute, and stylish.

Meanwhile, I usually look like this:

Jealous?

Yup, I'm just one delicious guacamole dip away from a pair of mom jeans.  (Pretty soon, I'm going to start wearing this.)

I spent nearly an hour huffing and puffing over having "nothing" to wear this morning.  I think the freaking April 1 snowstorm had something to do with my bad mood, but also, I really do have "nothing" to wear.   

Maybe if I started actually folding my laundry and putting it away, I'd be more inclined to dress myself. 

Or maybe...if I could start getting my frumpster off the couch and into a gym, I'd actually have a body I'd want to spend time dressing again.  

Seriously, having a baby does weird things to your body, yo.  And after two pregnancies in two years, including six months of I-Lost-My-Baby-So-Pass-Me-Another-French fry-Bitch! moping, my body in no way resembles its former self.  No joke; when I got pregnant with Ellis, I weighed 127 lbs.  When I got pregnant with Madeline??? 157!  Yikes!  

My thighs won't quit.  My butt is at the same time ridiculously wide, and yet, nonexistent.  (My rear end is a paradox!) I went from no boobs, to Whoa! Boobs!, to hm mm...where are my boobs?  Oh wait, I found them!  They were busy hanging out with my belly button.  

P.S.  I think I dropped my cell phone in my belly button last week, and I still haven't found it!  

All of this means that I don't know how to dress myself anymore.  The kinds of clothes that used to look flattering on me no longer do.  

I also feel like I'm at an odd age for fashion.  Thirty is right around the corner!  I'm getting too old to rock the clothes I used to wear, but I don't feel mature enough to start roaming the aisles of Liz Claiborne.  

Furthermore, new clothes cost money.  Gone are the days where I could just drop fifty bucks on a new shirt just because ommigod, it's soooo cute!  Now when I see a cute shirt, the little voice in my head whispers, "Summer, your daughter needs to go to college someday!  Do you really need that shirt?"  

This is probably not a bad attitude to have except for the fact that none of my clothes fit me right because, as I mentioned, my body is weird now.  

And this, people, is how frumpy mothers are created!  All those moms I've watched on shows like What Not to Wear?  I totally. get. it. now.   

I'm whining.  I know that.  If I don't like what I see, I should fix it.  Right?  Yet, the thought of fixing all the problems I see with my body and/or terrible fashion sense, is a bit overwhelming.   

Which is why I'm posting this on the Internet.   Hopefully the thought of readers looking at my pictures and tssking, "Wait a second, I thought she wanted to lose thirty pounds, not gain ten..." will be enough motivation to drop the Dunkin Donuts.   

I'll get there.  I will get there.  As God is my witness, Ms. Scarlett.  

But, seriously, it's Friday, so we just ate steak and cheese subs.  Diet starts Monday.  

Nice shirt, Maddie Bear