Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Huge Backside, Bad Attitude

Good God, I am so full of baby that I want to tell strangers to stand back in case I explode. I don't know how it's possible that I have a theoretical twelve weeks of incubation left. I'm pretty sure I've been pregnant since 1999.

Plus, every part of my body hurts. Baby girl is using my spine as a punching bag, my pelvis is splitting in two, and my feet are huge. Thank the Baby Jesus that I'm a school teacher and not working in a field somewhere.

Don't get me wrong, overall I really enjoy being pregnant. (And I certainly want to keep baby cooking until she's good and ready!) It's just that it's hard to remember the joy when it takes me ten minutes to put on pants.

My original intention was to turn this venting into a list of the positive aspects of pregnancy. And I don't mean stuff like the miracle of creating a new life, or the power of the womb...blah,blah, blah. I need a tangible motivator to get me through this last trimester.

Alas, everything I came up with can also count as a negative. I can eat all the pie I want. (Huge ass.) I can wear sweats in public. (Huge ass.) I can balance a plate on my belly. (Husband will never want to sleep with me again.)

Finally, this is what I came up with:

Less facial hair.
(Notice I said "less" and not "no" facial hair.)

Thank you, and goodnight.









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