Madeline is excited about the arrival of her baby sister. She drew a picture of our family at school, which she eagerly thrust into my hands when I arrived to pick her up this afternoon. She pointed to her colorful blobs with pride. "That's Mumma. And that's Dada. And that's Maddie. And that's Little Sister!" She likes to tell me that she's going to help feed the baby milk and change her "pooh-pooh" diapers. She has grand plans for the games they will play together in the future. Mainly dress up and "ball in the hallway." I'm trying to help her understand that the baby will be little more than a very loud loaf of bread for at least a year, but Madeline isn't convinced.
Of course, this all sounds great to Madeline in theory. What three-year-old child wouldn't want their very own living doll? But the reality is that adding a sister to the mix is going to seriously rock the boat. And while I believe, and hope, that Madeline will be a great big sister, I'm also not naive enough to think she's going to handle all these big changes with perfect ease.
My mother sent me a link to a post Babyccino Kids wrote about siblings last week. The author was writing in response to an article in Time Magazine called "The New Science of Siblings". The article cites research conducted on the importance siblings play in shaping one another's personalities. Due to the sheer amount of time one spends with brothers and sisters, an impact is made on everything from one's conflict resolution, to performance in the work place, to choice in spouse, to whether or not a person decides to become a smoker or not.
For better or for worse, and the article claims that it's mostly for the better, adding a second child to our family is going to have a huge impact on the personalities both Madeline and the new baby are going to end up with. This probably isn't ground-breaking news to anyone who has multiple children, or to anyone who has a sibling, but I still find it fascinating to think about.
On a personal level, I'm not sure how to manage the bonds, feuds, and rivalries that are sure to arise between our girls. I am the youngest of three sisters, but due to a significant age gap between us, I was raised as an only child in many ways. My sisters had moved out of the house and started families of their own by the time I left elementary school. I never had to worry about sharing toys, clothes, or even my parents' attention. I had plenty of friends with siblings close in age, and mostly I remember them trying to kill one another...sometimes literally.
Therefore, I'm headed into completely unfamiliar territory when it comes to handling fights over toys, or competition, or even the way they will join forces to gain up on their parents. This is all a complete guessing game for me.
Mostly, I'm worried about the favoritism issue, which is something you hear everyone with siblings complain about. I know parents love all their children. The heart makes room for everyone. Yet, right now, it's hard to imagine loving another child as much as I love Madeline, or investing as much energy into this new baby as I did into Madeline.
There was another study making the news in recent weeks claiming that first-born children are smarter than their younger siblings due the amount of energy parents invest in parenting the oldest versus subsequent children. I guess this is good news for Madeline in the long run, although I doubt she'll be thanking us for punishing her more harshly for not doing her homework while little sister gets away with whatever she wants.
I have this comical image in my head of our second girl rebelling against the girly, pink universe that Madeline cloaks herself in. She'll paint her side of the room black, demand to be called Jewel, and write bad poetry on her arm about how misunderstood she is. Meanwhile Madeline will make honor roll and go to the homecoming dance in a strapless pink dress.
I guess at the end of the day, I'll love my children equally but in different ways. Madeline will be special because she's my first child. Her little sister will be special because she'll be my baby. Both of them will probably think the other has it easier.
Tonight I met a woman with two little boys who are three years apart just like Madeline and her sister will be. She told me that she loved having two boys because they are best friends. Then she added with an eyeroll and a smile that this also means that they spend a lot of time driving one another other crazy. Sure enough, as soon as the mother finished speaking, the brothers started poking eachother and giggling, then fighting, then giggling some more until she stepped in and sharply redirected them to their pizza.
For better and for worse, that's my future.
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