Glucose Fail

It's a solid fact that once you open your big, fat mouth to express an opinion whatever you say will come back to bite you in your big, fat bum. For example, a few weeks ago a friend was joking about her gestational diabetes being directly connected to the amount of ice cream she consumed during the first half of her pregnancy.  I countered that gestational diabetes probably has more to do with genetics than with Ben and Jerry's since I ate my fair share of the stuff with Madeline with no complications.

Well, up on Mount Olympus, Gluttonidas, roundest of the Gods, looked down upon with me wrath. Silly mortal, how dare you be arrogant enough to think you could eat ALL the crab rangoon?!

Guess what, folks? I failed my glucose screening.

I've got the extended three-hour test scheduled soon, which will tell me whether or not Gluttonidas has truly cursed me with gestational diabetes.  I'm hoping I can chalk up failing the first round to the amount of cake I ate for Madeline's birthday weekend.  All that sugar must surely still be in my system, right?  Fingers crossed that the second test will come back normal, and I'll have simply wasted three hours of my life in the lab's waiting room instead of having to give up cake on top of alcohol and caffeine.  I know the Gods are cruel, but come on...

Damn it, does this mean I have to eat beets? Or kale? Cause if I hear one more hipster praise the glory of kale...I will scream. There's nothing wrong with kale, but you are never going to convince me that it's omigod sooo yummy that you actually crave it.  Stop dressing it up to look cool.  People eat kale because they are trying to be healthy or because they are secretly rabbits.  Everyone knows you are secretly craving a box of Twinkies like the rest of the schmucks.

Disclaimer: In all seriousness, I will gladly adjust my diet in any way necessary to keep baby safe...even if I have to eat stewed beets.  And, as much as I joke about eating cake and rangoon, I'm not really that bad.  I eat salad for lunch and pie for dinner.  I don't see what the big deal is.  However, I am not joking about kale.  Stop it.  

P.S.  They reset the votes at Top Baby Blogs.  I made it to the front page last round, which was pretty awesome cause I'm vain and fat and possibly have diabetes, so the little things make me happy.  I'd sure appreciate some votes.  Simply click on the brown button on the sidebar, and then click again to vote.  Thank you!  You are awesome...even if you are a kale lover.